


I Can't Help But Fall In Love With You

by MissConstance



Series: Unlimited Love [2]
Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Cute, F/F, Falling In Love, Feelings, Like very cute, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-10-05 05:57:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10299152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissConstance/pseuds/MissConstance
Summary: Sequel to I’m Always Going to Love You (even if you don’t love me back)Explore the relationship between Trixie and Barbara. Starts with Barbara’s point of view but will alternate depending on the chapters. Multi-chapters.Does not take into account Tom and Barbara’s wedding, they are only engaged (so last ep of season 6, expect for the other characters)Warning: Very cute scenes!





	1. What is happening to me?

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to do a sequel to my other fanfic (I'm Always Going To Love You), it is not necessary to read but if you want to understand everything, especially for Trixie's point of view, it is better to read it.  
> I couldn't leave this ending so here we go! And don't worry, there is a lot of cute moments. They are both amazing, I love them! 
> 
> Remember: it doesn't follow Tom and Barbara's wedding!! They are only engaged.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara’s point of view. She is trying to figure out her feelings for Trixie (She has an obsession with Trixie’s eyes :p)

Barbara was confused.  
These past few days have been really challenging for her, to say the least. She didn’t understand what she was feeling anymore and she felt like a stranger to herself. And it had everything to do with a certain blonde.

She was utterly confused. She didn’t know how it happened or when it happened, but she was now sitting at the kitchen table, trying (and failing miserably) not to stare at the beautiful nurse sitting in front of her. Trixie was cheerfully talking with Valerie who was sharing wild stories about her childhood. Now and then, she would smile brightly and even laugh, her blue eyes glittering.  
Barbara shook her head. Why was she thinking about Trixie’s smile and eyes? It was not like this is the first time she was seeing her. She had known her for two years now. And she always thought that Trixie was beautiful. But never in that way. She couldn’t take her eyes off of her, like she was discovering her all over again, like she was in the dark before and now she could see her clearly.

‘For goodness’ sake, Barbara, get a grip on yourself!’

Barbara closed her eyes and breathed deeply. 

But when she opened them, she was faced with blue eyes staring at her with worry.  
“Barbara, is everything alright?”

How did she never notice that there was a little bit of green in her eyes?

“Barbara?”

Barbara was quickly brought back to reality.  
“Sorry! Yes… I was just…”

“Daydreaming” Trixie finished her sentence, smiling.  
Barbara looked down, blushing: “Yeah, that must be that…”  
(‘Please, don’t ask about what!’)

“I bet she was thinking about her dashing fiancé!” Valerie said, teasingly.  
Barbara smiled at her and quickly agreed with it (that was her way out of this).  
Everyone around the table laughed playfully at her, Sister Julienne even adding: “Maybe more than her fiancé in not very long!” 

Barbara smiled awkwardly, thankful that nobody noticed her strange behaviour. However, she didn't miss the sad look in Trixie's eyes, who was now staring pitifully at her plate. 

Barbara’s heart tightened. 

\---

It all started a month ago.  
A party was organized at the local clinic in Poplar, and naturally, all the nurses decided to go. Barbara was accompanied by Tom, and Trixie had decided to invite Christopher. She finally had the chance to properly meet him. He seemed nice and very much in love with Trixie. Well, who wouldn’t be? 

Tom wasn’t very much a dancer and so, after a quick dance, they sat down at a table with some food. At one point, Tom went to get them a drink and Barbara watched the couples on the dance floor. She spotted Patsy and Delia chatting gleefully in a corner; Fred and Violet were dancing slightly off the beat but were as sweet as ever; and her eyes finally landed on Trixie and her boyfriend. They were dancing slowly, and Trixie’s head was resting peacefully on his shoulder.  
The image was lovely. 

However, instead of feeling happy for her friend, Barbara felt a twinge in her heart. Like she wasn’t satisfied with this, like she wanted more (for her or for Trixie? She didn’t know). The only thing she knew for certain was that she wanted to hold Trixie in her arms, she wanted to be the one holding her instead of Christopher. She couldn’t explain it, but that was the only thing she wanted to do right now. 

That’s when she saw her eyes. They were so sad. Barbara wondered what caused her so much sorrow. She had been so excited for this party, she had carefully planned her outfit, and she was thrilled to be able to dance. So why was she so sad?  
She decided to go check it out herself, and maybe try to give her a hug and be able to hold her in her arms. 

She was about to get up when Tom came back with the drinks, the music changing at the same time to an upbeat song.  
She watched helplessly as Trixie disappeared from her view.

“Sorry for the wait, there was so much crowd”  
Barbara focused her attention back on her boyfriend.  
“Oh, don’t worry,” she answered him, “I like watching people dance.”  
Tom looked around the room, “It’s nice to see people have fun and take a little time for themselves.”  
(‘Trixie isn’t', Barbara thought)  
“Dancing have always made people happy” Barbara noted, still trying to find Trixie in the crowd.  
“Except when you’re a terrible dancer,” Tom joked, and she smiled briefly at him.  
At that moment, she caught a glimpse of the pink dress Trixie was wearing for the evening.  
“Excuse me for an instant, I forgot to say something to Trixie,” she said, getting up, “I’ll be right back!”  
With that, she left to find her friend. 

She located Trixie near the buffet, staring at the food but not actually eating anything.  
“Trixie!”  
Trixie turned around and her face brightened immediately when she saw Barbara.  
“Barbara! What a lovely party, don’t you think? I hope you having fun, we don’t have nights like this all the time.”  
“I am,” Barbara assured her, “but, Trixie, are you?” She asked, concerned.  
“What do you mean?” Trixie asked lightly.  
“Well, you looked sad,” she told her, a hint of worry in her voice.  
Trixie turned her gaze away from Barbara and went back to staring at the buffet.  
“It’s been a long week, Barbara, I’m just tired.” She looked back at her and smiled reassuringly.  
“You would tell me if something was wrong, right?”  
“Of course, Barbara,” she promised her. 

The music changed again.  
“Oh, I love this song!” Trixie exclaimed, “Come dance with me, Barbara!”  
“Oh, no…” But the brunette didn’t have time to say anything as Trixie was already dragging her on the dance floor. 

Barbara didn’t really like dancing. She was awkward and clumsy. With Tom, luckily, she didn’t have to. She preferred watching people dance, like Trixie.  
But dancing with Trixie was so different. She felt so comfortable and light. Trixie was moving gracefully and she was holding her close, twirling her at times. She seemed so happy, such a change from her look earlier.  
It felt so right. 

The room had darkened and Barbara could see Trixie’s eyes shining in the dark. She was so mesmerizing. 

They got closer. Barbara could smell her perfume. Rose and vanilla.  
Barbara put an arm around her waist, bringing her even closer.  
She could feel her breath on her face.  
Their lips were so close.  
Barbara leaned in.

The music changed once again and the lights suddenly turned on. 

Barbara and Trixie immediately jumped away from one another. They wildly looked around, worried that someone might have seen something. But everything was perfectly normal.  
They started to breathe again. Their eyes met once more.  
What Barbara saw into Trixie’s eyes frightened more than anything.  
She awkwardly stepped back and mumbled: “I have to go.” She disappeared into the crowd.

But Trixie’s eyes kept haunting her every night. Those eyes full of love and desire. 

\---

After the event at the dance, Barbara didn’t know what to think. She didn’t even know what she was feeling anymore. 

She had almost kissed Trixie.  
Not only did she had almost kissed her best friend (who happened to be a girl), but in the middle of a ballroom, with people everywhere, and she was engaged! What was she doing?  
Now, the only thing she could think about was Trixie. She saw her eyes every time she closed hers. She thought about the way their arms were wrapped around each others. She thought about how close they were and how good it had felt. She had never felt safer anywhere else than in Trixie’s arms. 

What was happening to her? 

She couldn’t explain what she was feeling towards the other girl. And she couldn’t make sense of the look in Trixie’s eyes. 

What was she going to do? 

\---

Two weeks after the dance, Trixie was involved in a bike accident and ended up at the hospital. 

Barbara went home during the dinner at Nonnatus House after a birth, and that was when Sister Julienne announced her that Trixie was at the hospital. Barbara barely listened to what she said after that. Her breath was caught in her throat and she felt like she was suffocating.  
She went immediately to the hospital despite everyone’s protests that she should wait until the morning or that they wouldn’t let her in anyway because she wasn’t a relative.  
She didn’t care. She had to see Trixie. She had to make sure she was okay, that she was going to be okay. 

That was only when she got to the hospital and she had talked to a nurse that she was able to breathe.  
Trixie wasn’t much hurt.  
Apparently, she had tried to avoid a car that was driving really fast and by doing so, she had collided with containers and boxes gathered on the port. It wasn’t very serious. She had a few cuts and bruises.  
But they wanted to keep her under observation for the night, fearing a concussion. 

Trixie was okay. She was okay.  
Even though she wasn’t able to see her, just knowing that her life wasn’t in any danger relieved her so much. 

She had been so afraid. She thought she had lost her. She could have lost her.  
Barbara wouldn’t be able to bear it. 

The next morning, she was Trixie’s first visitor.  
When she saw her lying on that bed, her heart broke a little bit more. Her face was pretty much fine except a bruise over her left eyes and on her forehead. She had bandages around her left arms as well as few cuts and bruises on them. But besides that, she was fine. 

And Barbara had never been so happy to see someone in her life. 

She didn’t tell Trixie that she stayed all night at the hospital to see her. But she is sure that one of the nurses told her afterward. Anyway, she never mentioned it, and Barbara was glad she didn’t. She first needed to figure out what that meant. 

She tried to reflect on the situation. She remembered that when she had learned that Trixie was at the hospital, she had felt like her whole world was tearing apart. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think. And especially, she couldn’t imagine her life without her. 

That when she seriously began to question her feelings.  
Was she falling in love with Trixie? Or has she always been but she was blinded by what she thought she was feeling for Tom? Because the one thing she knew for sure was that she didn’t felt the same thing for Tom as she felt for Trixie. Her feelings for Trixie seemed to be so much stronger.  
And they seemed to only be growing with each passing day. 

\---

So now, here she was, no knowing what she felt or how she felt. Barbara Gilbert was lost.


	2. The Way She Makes Me Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is also from Barbara's point of view.  
> Barbara needs some advice, and who's better for it than Phyllis?  
> And some Trixie/Babs cute moments ahead ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, since there is no new episode of Call the Midwife, I've decided to put another chapter tonight!  
> Enjoy :)

Barbara was stuck. 

She still couldn’t figure out what she was feeling for Trixie. If this was friendship, or if there was something more. However, something that was clear in her mind, something that had always been clear, was the fact that she wasn’t in love with Tom anymore. She loved him, she knew it. But not the way she loved Trixie. 

With Trixie, everything was so much easier and just good. She felt so good everytime she was around her. There wasn’t any anxiety, there had never been, she always felt so comfortable. Maybe that was because they knew each other for such a long time. But it had grown into something else, something much stronger. 

She noticed that, since the dance, Barbara was looking at Trixie in a different way, her body was reacting to her in a different way. Everytime she entered a room, Barbara’s heart warmed. When she came home late after work, or if she had a bad day, the only person she wanted to see was Trixie. The only person she wanted to talk to was Trixie. She always had been so comfortable, so at home with her. She would make her blush and shiver when she took her hand or put her arm around. Her body would flush and her breath would catch in her throat. When she was close, she would shiver with want. She seemed to always yearn for her touch.  
She loved to see her smile. She loved to make her smile. Her face would brighten and her eyes would shine. Her beautiful eyes. How she loved those eyes! She wanted to keep her safe, she wanted to make her happy. She was the best part of her life.  
With Trixie, everything felt so right. 

She remembered that one night; Trixie had come in her room after losing her patients to a terrible car accident and she had sobbed into her arms. Barbara had held her until she had fallen asleep. Trixie was hurting and she had wanted to take all of her sadness away. She had hated to see her like see. She never wanted to see her like this ever again. So she had held her as tight as she could as if she could protect her, as if she could keep her safe. 

Since that evening at the dance, Barbara knew that something had changed. Whatever she was feeling for Trixie was now stronger and she couldn’t ignore it anymore. Whatever she felt for Tom was nothing compared to what she felt for Trixie. She knew it. 

That is why she had been avoiding her since that day. It killed her to not be able to talk to her and work with her, but she first needed to make sense of what had happened.  
She almost kissed her! If the lights hadn’t turned on, she would have done it. How could she face Trixie knowing that? She was still engaged, for goodness’s sake! And Trixie was a woman, even if she knew it could happen, she never thought it would happen to her. But, like Delia said once: “you don’t choose who you fall in love with.” Right now, she knew she loved Trixie more than a friend, more than anything. 

So, she was faced with a horrible dilemma. She couldn’t conscientiously continue her relationship with Tom knowing she didn’t love him anymore. She had to end it. But how could she explain it? And how could she ever tell Trixie? She was in love with another girl, another girl who happened to be her best friend. She knew they could never be together, even if Trixie loved her back. 

Trixie.  
She wondered if she felt the same about her. She wondered if she had imagined everything about that night at the dance, if she had imagined how Trixie looked at her, how her eyes had turned a dark blue, how she had seen lust in them. Had she felt the shiver Barbara felt when their arms were intertwined together? Had she felt the unrestrained desire to kiss her? Or had she imagined everything? 

Barbara took a deep breath and closed her eyes. 

She needed to sleep on it. She couldn’t concentrate, she couldn’t think. She also needed to talk to someone. At least about her situation with Tom. She needed to end it before it worsened. She was clearly in love with someone else and staying with him was only cruel. For both of them. But she needed advice. 

\---  
The evening after, Barbara was waiting nervously for Phyllis in her room. 

She trusted Phyllis’s judgment more than anything and she knew that she could help her. She had made her decision to talk to her. But she was so afraid. 

Finally, the door creaked open and Phyllis entered, still wearing her uniform. Barbara was sitting at the end of her bed in her pyjamas, looking at her nervously. The older nurse, however didn't notice her state of mind and started talking about her day and her patients. But Barbara was barely listening. She thought she was going to suffocate. 

“Barbara, is everything alright?” 

Barbara raised her eyes to look at her and weakly shook her head. “Can I talk to you, Phyllis?”  
“Of course!” Phyllis went to sit next to her. “What is it?”

Barbara looked down at her hands, her fingers playing with her engagement ring. The older woman followed her gaze.  
“ Is this about Tom?” She asked, concerned.  
Barbara looked up at her with tears in her eyes and nodded. “I don’t think I love him anymore”, she said, her voice quivering.  
“Oh, lass!” Phyllis took the trembling girl in her arms, hugging her as tight as she could. Barbara couldn’t stop her tars from falling and she sobbed against Phyllis’s shoulders. 

When she had finally calmed down. Phyllis went to get a glass of water.  
“Okay, what about you tell me what happened?” The younger nurse nodded.  
“What makes you think you don’t love him anymore?” She asked her, still soothing her with her hand.  
“I just know, I can’t explain it…”  
Phyllis looked at her intently, Barbara knowing that this answer won’t satisfy her. She took a deep breath.  
“I think I’m in love with someone else.”  
Barbara didn’t dare look at her. She heard Phyllis sighed. Then, she felt her arm around her shoulders, slightly squeezing them. She searched for her eyes.  
“Do you know for sure?”  
Barbara nodded. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, and I’m certain.”  
“Does this person know?”  
She shook her head.  
“Does Tom know?”  
Another head shake.  
“You have to tell him,” Phyllis said.  
“I know, but I don’t know how!”  
“Just, tell him the truth.”  
Barbara looked anxiously at Phyllis. “But how will I explain it? We are engaged! And what if he wants to know who is it? I can’t tell him!”  
“Okay, lass, breathe,” she told her, “If you truly love this person, you cannot continue with Tom, it would be unfair. And if he loves you, he will understand. Then, haven’t we all learnt that you cannot control who you love?”  
Barbara smiled at her.  
“You do what makes you happy, Barbara.”  
The younger nurse took Phyllis into her arms and hugged her tightly. She was so grateful for her. Talking to her made everything all right.  
“Thank you, Phyllis.”  
Phyllis smiled. “Don’t ever hesitate to come talk to me if you need to, alright?” Barbara nodded.

“Okay, now I ‘m going to make myself a cup of tea. Do you want one?”  
“That would be lovely, thank you.”

Phyllis was about to leave the room when Barbara asked her one last thing.  
“What if this person doesn’t love me back?”

Phyllis turned around. “Well, if you don’t tell them, you’ll never know.”

\---  
After her conversation with Phyllis, Barbara felt much better. She knew she still had to break up with Tom and do something about Trixie (she really couldn’t avoid her much longer). But at least, she felt sure of herself now. 

A few days later, while Phyllis was on call for the night, Barbara had the room for herself. She was in the middle of reading a book when she heard a knock on the door. 

“You can come in.”

The door opened and a thin silhouette stepped inside. Barbara raised her head to greet whoever had come. She didn’t expect it to be Trixie. She was dressed only in her pyjamas, with a dressing gown wrapped around her body. She looked nervous.  
Barbara’s breath caught in her throat. 

“Trixie…” She started but was interrupted by the blonde.  
“Barbara, just let me say something. You’ve been avoiding me for weeks and I don’t know why. And I hate it. So please, just tell me, if I’ve done something wrong, or hurt your feelings, I’m sorry! I just want us to go back to normal, please, I’ll do anything.”

Barbara was stunned. She hadn’t meant to cause Trixie’s harm. She hadn’t thought that pushing her away like this would cause her such distress. The last thing she had wanted was to hurt her.  
From the lack of answer from Barbara, Trixie started to turn around. She was about to open the door when Barbara said: “We need to talk”. 

Their eyes met. Trixie carefully sat on the bed, opposite to Barbara.  
“First, I want to apologize for my behaviour these past weeks. I shouldn’t have avoided you, it was unfair.”  
Trixie was silent.  
“But we need to talk about what happened the other day.” Barbara was nervous again.  
“You mean, the day of the dance?”  
Barbara looked at Trixie and nodded. 

“I’m sorry for what happened that day. I don’t know what overcome me. There was the music and…” Trixie started, afraid of Barbara’s reaction.  
“Listen, Trixie, you have nothing to apologize for. This was my fault too. You did nothing wrong.”

Trixie was confused. “But you said it was because of what happened that day.”  
The brunette started twisting her fingers, knowing that what she was going to reveal to Trixie would change their relationship forever.  
She felt Trixie take her hand in her own and squeezing it softly. She looked up and took a deep breath.  
“I was avoiding you because I didn’t know what I was feeling. That night changed a lot of things for me. And with Tom and everything, I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know who I loved.”  
Trixie was looking at her with wide eyes. She seemed to have been holding her breath. 

“And now… you know?” She asked her, hesitantly.  
Barbara firmly squeezed her hand and looked her in the eyes, trying to make her understand, trying to make her feel her love for her.  
“I think so”.  
They didn’t break eye contact. Barbara could see once more the love she first saw in Trixie’s eyes at the dance. They were burning. She knew that her own eyes reflected the same thing. 

Their hands were warm. She got closer to Trixie. Her whole body was trembling with desire and want. Her breath became erratic. Trixie moved her hands along her forearms, sending a tingle of goosebumps on them. She felt a rush of butterflies in her stomach.  
She closed her eyes. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Their lips were so close.  
Barbara leaned in. 

This time, their lips touched. Their kiss was slow and soft. Trixie tasted like cherry and sugar. She knew that she’d become addicted to it.  
She deepened the kiss. Trixie responded eagerly. Her lips were so soft. Trixie put her free hand in Barbara’s hair, making the kiss more intimate.  
It felt so right. 

They break apart slowly, their forehead still touching and their arms still around each other. Trixie smiled. Her eyes were sparkling. Barbara had never felt like this, even with Tom. 

“Tom!”  
Barbara was brutally awakened. Tom. How could she forget him? She was still engaged! Her thoughts became frantic. She entangled herself from Trixie and stood up.  
Trixie was looking at her, concerned and guilty. “Barbara…”

But Barbara wasn't listening. “I need to go, I’m sorry.”  
With that, she rushed out of the room, leaving a disconcerted Trixie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, we have Trixie's point of view and a talk with Patsy and Delia ;)


	3. Only Time Will Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter from Trixie's point of view after Barbara kissed her! She doesn't know what to do so she goes talk to Patsy and Delia ;)
> 
> There are some references to my fanfic ‘Welcome home Trixie’ in which Trixie let Delia sleep in Patsy’s bed (there is kind of an understanding between them regarding Patsy and Delia’s relationship) in case you haven’t read it! 
> 
> I think I'm going to post on Sundays (Ctm day) :p

Trixie couldn’t believe what happened. She had kissed Barbara. Last night. It wasn’t one of her dreams. It was real. It happened. And she still couldn’t believe it. 

She was lying on her bed, turned to the side, away from Valerie’s gaze, thinking about the events of the night. She could still feel Barbara’s lips on hers. They were so soft. She remembered the electric shiver that went through her body when they lips had touched, when they had been so close that she could feel her breath on her skin, when she had her hand tangled in her hair. She remembered how kissing her was so much better than anything that she had ever imagined.  
It had been perfect. She had never felt like this with anyone. Not with Tom, not with Christopher, and not with the other men she had ever kissed. This was so different and so good. Kissing her had made her warm, made her shiver with want and desire. If she could, she would spend all day kissing her.  
It had felt so right. 

Trixie softly touched her lips, recalling the sensation of Barbara’s lips on hers.  
She sighed. 

She didn’t know what was going to happen now. Barbara had reacted so violently, running away, leaving her without any explanation. She was still left with so many questions and no answers. She didn’t know what the future would hold. But she didn’t blame her. Of course not. How could she?  
If there was someone to blame it was herself. She had been in love with Barbara for so long, she never thought this day would happen. Since their “almost” kiss at the dance, Trixie had started to wonder if Barbara really felt something more for her or if this was just her imagination. She blamed it on her imagination since Barbara never made any other attempts after that day. She even avoided her, for weeks. But then, when she had her accident, Sister Julienne had told her that Barbara had been worried sick and had stayed up all night at the hospital, only for her. No one else did that, only her. Once more, she had wondered about Barbara’s feeling. But again, she just told herself that was because she was her friend, and that was what friends do. 

But now, there wasn’t any logical explanation for what happened. Barbara almost told her that she loved her. Or at least, that something had changed and that she was reconsidering her situation. Trixie couldn’t believe it. After having accepted the fact that Barbara was going to be someone else’s bride, that she loved someone, she had turned towards her, against all odds.  
She had kissed her! That wasn’t something you do if you don’t love someone!

Did Barbara love her? She didn’t want to get her hopes up but she couldn’t get her out of her mind how Barbara had been so close to her, how her eyes were shining with lust, how warm her hand was in hers, how she had leaned in, how soft her lips had been. She couldn’t help but hope. 

But there was still Tom and the wedding.  
Barbara had told her that things had changed with Tom. Did that mean that she didn’t love him anymore?  
How could she know? How could she be sure? Barbara never said that she loved her, she never said that she was going to leave him. And they are engaged. It’s not like she could simply break up with her boyfriend. Barbara was a very loyal person. And a very kind person. How could she break up such an engagement?

Trixie turned in her bed, her eyes now staring the ceiling. 

She mustn’t get her hopes up. This would only hurt. She knew it. But her mind wandered anyway. 

\---  
Trixie couldn’t sleep that night. She decided to go make herself a cup of tea. There was no point in staying in bed if she was going to stay awake all night, thinking about a certain brunette. 

She was on her way to the kitchen when she spotted Patsy and Delia, standing very closely to one another, their heads tilted towards the other, whispering softly.  
Trixie hid behind the wall and closed her eyes. She knew about Delia and Patsy. She had never openly spoken about it to them (only Delia was aware) but she knew. She had seen the signs and she wasn’t blind. She knew for quite a while now, even if they had never really spoken about it.  
That was their relationship that actually triggered the true nature of her feelings for Barbara. It was seeing them like this (that wasn’t the first time she caught them in this position), so loving and caring. They were defying all of the society’s expectations because they loved each other. Trixie had never seen something that beautiful. 

She opened her eyes. Maybe that was what she needed. She needed to talk to somebody who would understand, who would tell her what to do. And who would be better than Patsy and Delia?  
She decided to make her presence known but without frightening them to death. 

She softly knocked on the door and entered the kitchen. The two lovers were already standing a few meters away from each other, acting casually. “It’s only me.” Trixie greeted them with a small smile. 

“Hey Trixie, can’t sleep either?” Patsy asked her, pretending to pour coffee in a mug.  
“It’s okay, Patsy,” Delia told her, “she knows about us.”  
Patsy looked wide-eyed at Trixie, then Delia, and then Trixie again.  
“Well, I’ve got eyes, Patsy,” Trixie said, “and don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”  
Patsy was still in shock. “And you’re okay with it?”  
“I think you make a beautiful couple, and who am I to judge who you fall in love with?” Trixie answered her.  
Patsy smiled at her, grateful. “Thank you, Trixie, truly.”

“So, what’s keeping you up?” Delia asked her, sitting at the kitchen table.  
Trixie went to make herself a cup of tea. “I was thinking.”  
Patsy sat down at the table, close to Delia. “Thinking about?”  
Trixie sighed. She turned around to face them.  
“Can I ask you something?”  
Seeing the concern and anxiety on Trixie’s face, the two girls exchanged a look.  
“Of course. What is it, Trixie?” the brunette told her.  
Trixie took her warm cup of tea in her hands and went to sit down in front of them. She was staring at her drink.  
“Patsy, how did you know Delia loved you?”  
Patsy looked at her, confused. “What do you mean?”  
“How did you know that you liked each other, I mean, you must have been careful at first?”  
“Well," she started,"Delia and I know each other for years now, we were training as nurses together. We were really closed and it just became something more really naturally.”  
“Why do you ask Trixie?” Delia asked her, concerned.  
The blonde nurse was still staring at her drink. Delia reached to touch her hand. “You can talk to us you know.”

Trixie nodded. She took a deep breath.  
“It’s about Barbara.”  
The two lovers shared a knowing look. Trixie noticed it: “What?” She started to worry. Had they seen something?  
“You told us that you’ve got eyes,” Patsy started, “well, we’re not blind either.”  
“We saw how you looked at Barbara,” Delia clarified, “and we do have experiences on that matter.” She winked at Patsy.  
Trixie closed her eyes. She didn’t know if she should be relieved that she hadn’t had to explain or if she should be worried that people actually see through her masquerade.  
She decided to trust them. She was the one that had come to talk to them after all.  
“What do I do?”  
“Have you talk to Barbara?” Delia asked her, still holding her hand reassuringly.  
“Not really, but we…we kissed.”

Delia and Patsy gasped in surprise.  
“When?”  
Trixie bit her lip, “last night.”  
“And you didn’t talk, at all?”  
The blonde looked up. “We had a moment a few weeks ago, at the dance. She said that things had changed for her.”  
“Changed? How?”  
“I don’t know…”  
“But she kissed you?”  
“Yes.”  
“And then?”  
“Then, she thought about Tom and she ran away.”

Patsy and Delia looked at each other and then sighed.  
“Well, if she kissed you that means that she feels something for you, that’s sure,” Patsy told her.  
“But, you know, it must be complicated for her, she’s still engaged.”  
“I know that, and I understand,” Trixie replied, “but what I am supposed to do?”  
“We can’t give you an answer, Trixie,” Delia said, “but I think you need to give her time. If what’s between you is real, she’ll talk to you and she’ll make the right call.”  
“And meanwhile, you can come talk to us whenever, ok?”  
Trixie nodded gratefully, feeling her eyes filling up with tears. She was so lucky to have friends like them. She didn’t know what she’d do without them. 

“Okay, time for a hug!”  
Delia rose from her chair. Trixie laughed lightly, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. She barely had time to stand up that the small welsh nurse was already hugging tightly. Patsy quickly joined them happily. 

Suddenly, Patsy began to laugh.  
“What’s so funny?” Delia asked her, sharing a confused look with Trixie.  
“Well, can you actually imagine that we are all living under the same roof but sharing it with a bunch of nuns?”  
Delia and Trixie looked at Patsy, incredulous. Then, they quickly joined her.  
The situation was indeed quite unusual. 

\---

When Trixie went back to bed that night, she felt so much better. Talking with Patsy and Delia had relaxed her and she felt more comfortable knowing that someone else knew about her situation. There were still some things she needed to settle but at least, she had people to talk to, friends who could understand what she was feeling. She needed to give Barbara some time. She had waited that long without any hope. Now she had hope, she could wait a little longer. 

But she also realized that there was something else she needed to do before exploring further her possible relationship with Barbara. She needed to break up with Christopher. It was unfair to him, and to his daughter. She knew that she was entirely relying on hope and on a relationship that could not work. Barbara could decide that she made a terrible mistake with Trixie and go back to Tom. And Trixie would end up alone, once more.  
But it didn’t matter, it was unfair for Christopher and she wanted to do the right thing. She couldn’t be with him and love someone else. As well as she couldn’t try to be with Barbara and still be dating Christopher.  
She is going to make it right.  
Maybe Barbara will come to her. For now, she could still feel Barbara’s lips on her own. And that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!  
> Patsy's line about 'the bunch of nuns' is specially for 'setting_sail_indefinitely' who suggested it in her comment on the last chapter (I hope you liked it!)!!  
> Next: Barbara and Tom have a conversation! Phyllis is also here (I love her) and there's a little bit of Trixie/Babs :)


	4. This Is The Right Thing To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, first, a pretty hard scene to write: Barbara breaks up with Tom (I don’t hate him so I didn’t want to make it horrible for him) but still hard to write! But Babs and Trixie are one step closer!! Plus Phyllis’s there and she is amazing!  
> Hope you enjoy ;)

Barbara had decided to do it. Today. She was going to break up with Tom. This was the best thing to do, regarding her growing feelings for Trixie. She just needed courage. She never had to broke up with someone before. This was not going to be easy. But she was going to do it. 

Tom arrived at their meeting place a few minutes early. Barbara was waiting for him nervously.  
“Hello, Barbara,” he greeted her with a peck on the cheek and sat down beside her. She slightly smiled at him.  
“So, what this is all about? You said you had something important to tell me.”  
He asked, seeming a little bit worried. She couldn’t blame him; she had been acting strangely for weeks now, trying to figure out her feelings.  
She couldn’t back down now. This was now or never.  
“Tom,” she started,” I’m going to tell you something but you have to promise me not to interrupt me.”  
Tom looked at her, concerned. “I promise.”

Barbara breathed deeply, staring at her hands.  
“These past few weeks have been really tough for me. I needed to figure out where I was in life. That’s why I have been distant. I needed time to think, alone. And now, I know what I want.”  
She looked at Tom with tears in her eyes.  
“I’m sorry Tom, but I don’t think I’m ready to be married. I don’t think I’m ready to marry anyone. I have still so much to do, to accomplish on my own, and being married will only slow me down.”  
Tom was stunned and confused. “We can wait, we don’t have to do this right now, people are sometimes engaged for years.”  
Barbara shook her head.  
“This is not just that, Tom. I think we need to stop. We have grown apart lately, we barely talk and we are so engrossed in our respective work, we barely have time to see each other!”  
“Barbara, has something happened? We need to talk about it, we don’t have to rush anything, this is so sudden...”  
“Tom,” she interrupted him, looking at him in the eyes, “I’m not in love with you anymore.”  
There was a beat.  
“This is why I’ve been so distant, I tried to figure out what was going on, and now, I know. I’m so sorry, but we would have never work, we already act as an old couple that can’t take the time to see each other or even talk to each other. And I think I’ve just fall out of love for you.”

Tom was silent.  
“Please, say something!” She begged him, tears running down her cheeks.  
He looked away, his jaw tight.  
“What do you want me to say? You’re breaking up with me and apparently, you’ve decided this for a few weeks now.” His tone was cold but his voice still quivered.  
“Tom…”  
He turned his head towards her.  
“Is there someone else?”  
She avoided his gaze.  
“So, this is why,” he said, looking down, “you’ve met someone else.”  
“Tom, this is not what you think…!”  
“Tell me the truth Barbara, and I’d let you alone, I promise, I’ll respect your choice, even if it breaks my heart. But be truthful, are you in love with someone else?”  
He looked so heartbroken.  
Barbara felt miserable for doing this to do him. He was a good man. He didn’t deserve this. But she couldn’t live a lie. Not anymore.  
“Yes.” 

He nodded.  
“I’m so sorry, Tom.”  
He looked away, tears in his eyes. She put her hand above his and he grasped it, holding it tightly. She leaned in to kiss him one last time on the cheek.  
“You’re a good man, Tom, you’ll find someone who will love you better than I did.”  
With that, she stood up and left before he could say anything. She let her tears ran freely on her cheeks. She never thought she would ever have to break someone’s heart, but here she was, running away from the man she had almost married. And even if she knew that she didn’t love him anymore, it still hurt. She hoped with all her heart that she had made the right decision. 

\---

When Barbara was finally home, she was a mess. She was so glad she didn’t meet anyone on the way here. But she heard voices in the kitchen, so she ran up the stairs towards her bedroom.  
When she got there, she quickly shut the door and, pressed against it, she closed her eyes and caught her breath. 

“Barbara, what happened?” 

Her eyes opened immediately, looking towards the worried voice. She saw Phyllis, standing in the middle of the room, looking at her with concern. 

“Oh, Phyllis,” was all she managed to say before bursting into tears. The older woman reacted instantly and went to take cradle the younger nurse into her arms, soothing her.  
“It’s alright, lass, everything’s going to be alright”.  
She held her until Barbara calmed down. 

When she finally did, they moved towards the bed, Phyllis still having an arm around her.  
“Now, tell me what’s going on.”  
Barbara looked down.  
“I broke up with Tom.”  
Phyllis sighed.  
“These kinds of things are always hard. But with time his heart is going to heal, as yours.” She looked at Barbara, “What is the right thing to do?”  
The brunette raised her eyes. “Yes.” She replied confidently.  
“Well, that’s all that matters, then.”  
She smiled at her, then got up.  
“What you need now is a cup of tea and a good night sleep!”  
She walked toward the door.  
“Thank you, Phyllis.”  
She turned around and simply said, “this is what friends are for,” before leaving the room.

Barbara lied down on her bed. She didn’t know what she would have done without Phyllis. She was so grateful she had her as her friend. She would never have had the strength to do this alone. And she was so glad she did because it had been the right thing. Tom needed someone else who could love him entirely. She wasn’t that person. 

She raised her hand and looked at her engagement ring. She slowly took it off. She thought about giving it to Tom, but this would only hurt him more. She could throw it. But she decided to keep it, as a reminder of her choice. She needed to stay true to herself.  
She opened her top drawer and put it safely inside her jewel box.  
This ring represented her past, now she had to look toward her future. And that future was Trixie.

\---

Trixie went home late that day. The night had already fallen. She was tired and hungry.  
She entered Nonnatus House and only found silence. Well, of course, everyone would be asleep at this hour.  
Trixie removed her cape and her hat and walked into the working room to put away her materials. When she had finally tidied and cleaned everything; she went into the kitchen to make herself a good cup of tea. 

“Good evening, nurse Franklin”

Trixie jumped in surprise.  
She spotted Phyllis sitting on a chair at the kitchen table. She put a hand on her heart.  
“Gosh Phyllis, you scared me to death!”

The older nurse only smiled at her, “sorry dear, it wasn’t my intention.”  
Trixie sat down next to her.  
“Long day?”  
Trixie sighed. “Yes, but it was worth it. Mrs. Walters has a healthy little boy.”  
“Well, it seems you have deserved a good night rest.” 

“What’s keeping you up so late, Phyllis?” Trixie wondered.  
Phyllis rested her eyes on the blonde. “Barbara.”  
Trixie’s eyes instantly shot up.  
“Barbara? What happened? Is she okay?”  
“She’ll be okay, don’t worry.” She calmly replied, assessing Trixie’s reaction. “She broke up with Tom.”  
Trixie’s eyes went wide. “She did?” She asked, her voice slightly shaking.  
Phyllis was still studying her. If she believed her reactions, her suspicions were right.  
“Yes, but she might need a little comfort. I though you could bring her a cup of tea.”  
Trixie looked at Phyllis, then at the two cups of tea she had prepared. “I thought you might need one as well.”  
Trixie looked down, uncomfortable. “Maybe it’s best if you’re the one bringing it to her,” she said, “I don’t think she’ll want to see me right now.”  
“Nonsense,” the older woman replied, “I think you’re exactly the person she needs to see. And I also thinks that you need to see her as well.”  
There was an understanding look in her eyes. Trixie wondered what she knew and if Barbara had talked to her. But she was right. She needed to see Barbara.  
She nodded gratefully at her. “Thank you, Phyllis.”  
She stood up and smiled at Phyllis, before taking the cups of tea in her hands and walking towards Barbara’s room. 

She knocked softly on the door before entering.  
Barbara was lying down on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She had been crying; her eyes were red. But she seemed peaceful.  
“Barbara,” Trixie made her presence known.  
Barbara looked up and noticed the blonde standing in the doorway, holding a tray with two cups of tea. She quickly sat up.  
“Trixie, hi! Sorry, I was expecting Phyllis.”  
“She sent me,” Trixie replied, smiling at her. “Can I sit down?”  
“Oh, yes, of course!” Barbara made some place for Trixie to sit beside her.  
Trixie put the trail on the bed and looked at Barbara.  
“Phyllis told me what happened,” she started, “I’m sorry, Barbara.”  
Barbara sighed. She didn’t expect her to know it so soon. But she guessed that Phyllis knew more than she let it appeared.  
“Don’t be, this was the right decision.”  
“Are you sure?”  
Trixie’s eyes were full of concern, but also of hope. Barbara didn’t miss it.  
“Yes.”  
Maybe her eyes were full of hope too.  
“What can I do?”  
Barbara looked carefully at Trixie. She had done all of this for her, to be with her. She knew for certain that she loved her. And now, she only wanted her to do one thing, one thing that would make everything alright.  
“Hold me?”  
Trixie didn’t hesitate one second and took the brunette tightly into her arms. Barbara rested her head against Trixie’s shoulder, searching for the most comfort as possible. She always felt so safe into her arms.  
They hold onto one another for the rest of the night. They had each other, and that was all that mattered right now. 

Later that night, when Phyllis decided that the girls had enough time to talk, she went back into the room. The view she found was not one she expected.  
Barbara and Trixie were asleep on the bed, holding tightly to one another. Their foreheads were touching and Trixie had an arm put protectively around Barbara’s waist. The tea was untouched. They looked so peaceful. 

Phyllis had her suspicions since the day Barbara told her that she had fallen in love with someone else. She had noticed how she had looked at Trixie, had she had craved for her touch, and how she had tried, without success, to avoid her. And well, she shared a room with the girl, she knew more about her than anyone else.  
She knew how Trixie felt since Africa. She remembered the day Barbara came back to their room, announcing her engagement with Tom, she had looked so miserable, even if she had tried to hide it the best she could. And once again, she wasn’t blind. She saw how Trixie acted whenever she was around Barbara. She had learned to understand that girl, who wears her smile as her protection. 

She didn’t know where this was going to lead but she was going to support them every step of the way. She already had Patsy and Delia under her wigs, adding two more won’t change a thing.  
And they were her girls after all. 

Phyllis quietly took a blanket and placed in on their sleeping forms. She then proceeded to go to bed herself, turning off the lights and letting the night overcome her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!  
> Next up: Trixie and Babs have a real conversation about their relationship and it gets real guys!!


	5. Are You Sure?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Barbara broke up with Tom, she can finally be with Trixie. However, things are not as simple as that, especially when you live in a house full of nuns and nurses.  
> Anyway, an important conversation btw Trixie and Barbara reveals a lot of truths!
> 
> Enjoy ;)

Things were really awkward at Nonnatus House.  
The news of Tom and Barbara’s break up quickly spread up amidst the nuns and nurses. All were quite shocked and surprised, to say the least. Expect Phyllis, of course. Delia and Patsy had been a little bit surprised as well, but knowing what happened with Trixie, well, this was to be expected. 

Barbara had been silent. She refused to explain herself and started to avoid the people who tried to get answers from her. Tom was barely seen for a few weeks, expect for work. No one knew what to say or how to act. They all thought that Tom and Barbara was a perfect match. They never thought it would happen again.

But it did. And Barbara didn’t regret it a bit. Her relationship with Tom was simple and nice; there was no doubt about it. But that was nothing compared to what she felt for Trixie. That was better that way. 

Yet, she still had to talk to Trixie. Since the breakup, since they fall asleep together in her bed, they hadn’t really talked. Barbara had to deal with the fallback of her separation with Tom while trying to figure out where that left her with Trixie. They had kissed once already. But now, it would be different because she was free, and she knew Trixie had broken up with Christopher, so she was too. Nothing held them back anymore. 

Still, she hadn’t had the courage to face Trixie. Because it would make everything so real. And it frightened her. Even if she craved to taste Trixie’s lips once more, she craved for her touch, for her smile, for her hugs. But she first wanted to have a proper conversation with the blonde before they started something serious. 

She knew she had to have this talk. She dreaded it a bit, but she was also looking forward to it. So, she could at least tell Trixie what she truly felt for her and maybe, she would even be able to kiss her again. Oh, she couldn’t wait. 

\---

Unfortunately, the universe was against them. 

Their work schedules were always opposed. When Barbara had free time, Trixie was out on call, and when Trixie was free, she was busy. Everytime they finally thought they would have a quiet time together, a phone call or another midwife would interrupt them. For days, they barely had the chance to smile at each other. 

Barbara couldn’t bear it anymore. She was going to go crazy if she didn’t talk to Trixie soon.

\---

Trixie was riding back home after a stay fit class. Barbara, obviously, hadn’t been able to attend it, but at least those classes always cheered her up. And this was a beautiful day. She decided to stop a few minutes to enjoy the light breeze on her face and enjoy peacefully the people around her. 

That’s when she noticed a young couple of lovers. There wasn’t anything particular about them. But what caught Trixie’s attention was the way they looked at each other. They were standing face to face; their hands intertwined together, their foreheads almost touching. So nothing unusual. However, they looked at each other with so much adoration and love, that Trixie almost felt as an intruder just by watching them. It was so pure yet so passionate. 

Trixie looked away. 

She wanted to share this with Barbara. She wanted to be that couple, she wanted to hold hands, she wanted to kiss her, but especially, she wanted to share the same passion this young couple had with Barbara. But for that, she had to actually see Barbara. 

She sighed. 

She went back on her bike. Her shift started in fifteen minutes. 

\---

 

When her day was finally over, Trixie’s only thought was to get a warm cup of tea and some biscuits. This had been a long day and she was starving. But when she got home, she saw that the lights of the little garden behind the kitchen were still on. She went to take a look, wondering if someone had forgotten to turn them off. As she looked out the window, she saw that this wasn’t an oversight.  
Barbara was there, standing alone on the bench. 

There, that was it. They had wanted some time alone for so long and that was the moment. They were finally alone. 

Trixie stepped outside. “Hi,” she said tentatively.  
Barbara looked up and smiled. “Hi. I was waiting for you to come back.”  
“You did?”  
She nodded. “I think we need to talk.”  
“I think so too.” The brunette invited Trixie to sit down next to her. Trixie obliged gladly. They had never been so close since the day they kissed. Trixie could feel her body trembling with desire. They were so close and yet, she didn’t dare touch her. 

Barbara was the first to talk. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Trixie stopped breathing. Did she hear right? Did Barbara just say that she was falling in love with her?  
She turned her head to look at her. Barbara’s eyes were honest and unfaltering. She had meant it. She means it. Her heart skipped a beat. Barbara was falling in love with her. That wasn’t a question. That wasn’t a supposition. She was falling in love with her. Trixie felt her whole body started to respond immediately. She felt her heart beat faster and her skin get warmer. She was slightly trembling. 

“Trixie?”

Trixie looked back at Barbara. If she had been brave, she could be too.  
“I think I’m in love with you too.”  
Barbara’s face lit up. Trixie smiled brightly at her. Slowly, their hands, placed on the bench between them, reached for the other, their fingers intertwining together. 

Holding Trixie’s hand into her own, Barbara felt the courage to continue to speak. “Trixie, I’m sorry for last time, in my room, I shouldn’t have left that way…”  
“You don’t have to apologize,” the blonde reassured her, “you were still engaged, it wasn’t right.”  
“But I’m not anymore.”  
“I know.” Trixie was still holding her hand. “Barbara, why did you break up your engagement?”  
The brunette looked at her, confused. “I told you, I’m falling in love with you.”  
Trixie smiled softly, she’ll never get tired of hearing Barbara say that. “I mean, how did that happened? What made you changed your mind? Because, the last time I check, you were madly in love with Tom…”

Barbara sighed. 

“I truly realized that I felt something for you that day at the dance. You were dancing with Christopher and I remember thinking that I wished I could be the one dancing with you, I wished that I were into your arms. Not Tom’s, yours.  
Then, I noticed that you looked sad and I just couldn’t think of anything else but to make you smile again. And you know what happened next.”  
Trixie was slowly assimilating everything Barbara was saying. “I thought I had imagined this moment, what happened between us. I thought that I wanted it so much that I had imagined the look in your eyes, the way you were holding me…. I thought I compromised our relationship by almost kissing you.”  
“You didn’t. You made me realized how I really felt. And I never felt like this with Tom. With you, everything seems to be more intense, more passionate, more real.”  
Trixie’s heart warmed at Barbara’s words. Yet she couldn’t help but still feel guilty. “But you loved Tom, you were engaged.”  
“Well, it’s better that it happens now than when we’re married.” Barbara seemed so confident, so sure of herself, that Trixie couldn’t doubt her. She made the right decision. She squeezed her hand lightly and smiled at her. 

“Trixie,” Barbara started, “when did you know?”  
The blonde laughed quietly. “A long time ago.”  
“But when did you truly know?”  
Trixie looked at her. “When you first started dating Tom.”  
Barbara was taken aback. “But that was more than a year ago!”  
“I know.”  
With her free hand, Barbara tucked a stray lock of hair back behind her ear. “Tell me.” 

Trixie took a deep breath. “I hated seeing you going out with Tom. At first, I thought that it was because I was still not over Tom, which was maybe a little bit true at the time. But after a while, I realized that I didn’t really care about Tom. It was you.  
I was so mad at you two for going out because I wanted to be the one to hold your hand, to kiss you, just to be with you. I was jealous how good you looked together, but not because I wanted to be in your place because I wanted to be at Tom’s place.  
Then, it just continued growing stronger every day and I learned to live with it because I thought it was impossible. You were in love with Tom and you looked so happy. And if you were happy, well, I could live with myself. So I let you go. I was hard but I knew I could do it. That’s why I encouraged Tom to propose and why I accepted Christopher’s invitation to go out. I knew I could manage it because you were happy.  
But now, if you decide that you can’t to it, I don’t know what I’ll do…”

“I’m not bailing on you, Trixie,” Barbara assured her firmly, squeezing her hand tightly, “I’m not and I won’t. I’m here now.”  
Trixie smiled gratefully at the woman in front of her. She was so lucky to have her, as a friend, and now, as something more. She couldn’t believe that she had actually told all of this to Barbara, she had unveiled everything she had on her heart and Barbara was still beside her, holding her hand, saying that she wasn’t going to leave her, that this was real.  
“You promise?”  
Barbara looked her in the eyes and said, without flinching “I promise.”

With that, Barbara raised her free hand and gently stroked her cheek. Trixie leaned into the touch, feeling safer than she had never been. They slowly got closer, searching each other’s warmth. Their knees were touching. Barbara’s hand was still on her cheek. She leaned closer to her.  
They were so close now that their foreheads were almost touching. Trixie raised her eyes to meet Barbara’s. 

“Are you sure?” Barbara looked at her genuinely and smiled. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” Trixie laughed softly, biting her lip. 

Barbara closed the gap between them and crashed her lips against Trixie’s. The blonde responded immediately, tilting her head to the side, deepening the kiss. Barbara moved her hand into Trixie’s hair, bringing her even closer to her. Trixie put her free hand on her lover’s waist. Their other hands were still entwined together.  
They had to break the kiss to catch their breath. They rested their forehead against each other, smiling blissfully. Barbara’s hand was still in Trixie’s hair. They looked heartily at each other. They didn’t need to speak; their eyes were saying everything they needed to say. Trixie leaned in for another kiss. 

It was like they couldn’t get enough of each other. But it was a good think they had the whole night in front of them. They had finally found each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked, it was quite difficult to write as they go deep into feelings ;)  
> Love!!


	6. Love Was All We Needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie and Barbara go on a weekend trip, do I need to tell more?  
> FLUFF, FLUFF, FLUFF and some sweet talks

Trixie and Barbara were happy. 

It had been a few weeks since they had kissed on the bench, outside of the convent. But things really did change this time. They would see each other when they could, steal as many kisses as they could while trying not to be caught, go on walks at nightfall when no one could see them. This wasn’t ideal, but at least, they had each other. 

However, as Trixie pointed out, living with nuns and a few other nurses prevented them from really exploring their relationship. Yes, they would kiss and hold each other, but it was always brief and cautious, never knowing who could see them. They needed more.  
That is why Trixie proposed Barbara to go on a weekend. Trixie’s aunt owned a small house in the countryside and she was lending it to her while she was away on holidays. The brunette had at first refused. They couldn’t go on a weekend together, it would be too obvious! But she had finally caved in, the idea being too tempting. 

So, here they were, on a train, at dawn, off to Trixie’s family’s house. 

They had both asked two days off from Sister Julienne, who had been perplexed at first regarding this unexpected demand. But she had then accepted, Barbara, explaining to her that she needed time away from London after what happened with Tom and that she didn’t want to be alone.   
When Patsy and Delia had learned about it, they were over the moon for their friends. It meant that Trixie and Barbara were finally getting together, and they couldn’t be happier for them. But they had stayed quiet, knowing that the newly couple would talk to them when they would be ready. For know, they just watched with amusement their little love play. Anyone who didn’t know wouldn’t see anything. But they had experiences, and well, Trixie and Barbara were pretty new at that game. They still didn’t know how to properly avoid being caught and Delia and Patsy had saved them from many awkward situations without their knowledge. They would have to teach them some tricks, but for now, they let them enjoy their newly found happiness with each other. 

 

Barbara glanced at Trixie who was watching the landscape through the wagon window, a dreamy smile on her face. She looked so happy, so peaceful. She loved seeing her like that.   
They were sharing their compartment with two other women, so they couldn’t hold hands. But they could smile to each other. They could see a glimmering spark in the other’s eyes. And soon, they would be able to do everything they want. Soon.

Finally, after a two hours drive, they reached their destination. Trixie’s aunt’s house was quite small but lovely. And especially, there was no one around for miles. They would be alone and tranquil here. It was perfect.

As soon as they were out of view, Trixie had taken hold of her hand. They didn’t let go of each other until they entered the house. When they dropped their luggage on the floor, Trixie put her hand on Barbara’s waist and close the distance between them. Her lips crashed on hers. It felt so good. Barbara tangled her hand into the blonde’s hair, bringing her as close as possible. They never let go of each other. They kissed until they couldn’t breathe until their lips were swollen, and their hearts were pounding in their chest. Their noses brushed and they grinned at each other. They never felt so complete in their life. Barbara brought her lips back to hers. They were not done kissing. Not at all. And they had all day long. 

\---

Trixie opened her eyes. She looked up towards the window. The sunlight was slowly fading. She turned around. Barbara was still asleep, her arms wrapped firmly around her waist, holding her close.   
“Barbara!” Trixie softly shook the other girl. “Barbara, wake up! We fell asleep!”  
Barbara mumbled.   
“Babs!” Trixie pushed the covers away from her body. The brunette reacted instantly. She opened her eyes and sat up on the bed. “That’s so not fair!”  
Trixie laughed at the expression on her face.  
“We can’t stay in bed all day long!” 

Barbara looked at her and smiled mischievously. She then grabbed Trixie by the waist and made her fall on top of her. “Of course we can! We can do whatever we want!”  
The blonde laughed at her girlfriend. Yes, her girlfriend, she could say that now, after spending almost the entire day kissing and making out, she was definitively her girlfriend.   
“But we could take a walk and enjoy the sun while it’s still up.” She protested.   
“We can go for a walk tomorrow!”  
Trixie pouted. Barbara looked at her then sighed. “Okay, what about if we go out to dinner tonight and tomorrow, the walk? Is that fine?”  
Trixie gave her a peck on the lips. “Yes! Thank you!”   
She laughed. Trixie’s blonde hair was falling around her face. Barbara pushed it back, staring at her. “Okay, but that means that until dinner, you’re all mine.”   
“I’m all yours forever, Miss Gilbert.”   
Barbara rolled them around so she was now on top of her girlfriend. “Good.” 

She smiled and slowly bowed down her head to kiss her girlfriend deeply. She was so intoxicating. She couldn’t stop kissing her. Trixie responded eagerly, wrapping her hands into the brunette’s hair.   
Barbara moved her lips to her girlfriend’s neck, leaving a trail of kisses on her jaw. Trixie moaned in delight. She loved hearing that sound coming from her lips. She knew that she’d never get tired of hearing it. She sucked on her neck.   
“Babs,” Trixie tried to talk but she was breathless. “Babs, don’t leave a mark…”  
The brunette smiled against her skin. “Too late.”  
Trixie bit her lip. “Barbara…”  
“You’ll wear a scarf. You’re pretty in anything.” She replied, kissing her way back up on Trixie’s lips. But her girlfriend didn’t seem really bothered. She was breathing heavily, her lips swollen, and her skin had a beautiful pink shade. Her hair was all over the place. She looked so beautiful. She was smiling blissfully at her. She felt Trixie’s hand caress softly her cheek. She bowed her head to kiss her more slowly this time, enjoying the taste of her lips on hers.   
Suddenly, she felt Trixie rolled them around, leaving her beneath the blonde. She was looking at her playfully. “My turn now,” she said while lowering her head, starting to kiss her on the neck, returning the favor. Barbara laughed. 

\---

It was almost dark outside. Barbara and Trixie were eating in a small restaurant, after spending the entire afternoon just laying in the bed. They had asked a table in a far corner so that they were out of view from people gazes. Trixie was sipping her water, looking at Barbara, giggling.   
“What?”  
“Nothing.” She replied, “it’s just that for someone who didn’t want to get out of bed, you’re pretty hungry.”   
Indeed, the brunette was eating avidly the food on her plate.   
“Well, I was hungry but I still didn’t want to get out of bed.”   
Trixie laughed softly. She stared lovingly at her girlfriend.   
Barbara raised her head once more. “What?”   
“I just love it. You and me. Here, doing normal things like anybody. It’s just… I love it.”   
Barbara smiled at her. “I love it too.” She lifted her hand to put it on top of Trixie’s. She tenderly stroked it. Trixie quickly looked around to see if anybody was watching them, then took Barbara’s hand into her own.   
“I know we’ll not be able to be together outside, but let’s just enjoy what we have now.” 

After dinner, they went on a small walk in the night. It was a bit chilly but it didn’t matter because in the darkness, no one could see that they were holding hands and that they were standing way too close to be something only platonic. Their body warmth was enough.   
They were walking in silence, just enjoying each other company, alone and safe.   
“Do you think we’ll ever live a normal life?” Barbara asked suddenly.   
“What do you mean?”  
“Like, we can’t be together back in London, so what’s going to happen for us?”  
Trixie briefly looked at her then sighed.   
“We’ll have to be very careful and discrete. But we can make it work. Others have done it so can we.”   
“But how we’ll do it?” Barbara stopped them. She knew that soon they’d have to go home and they wouldn’t be able to even hold hands in public, and she couldn’t stand it. “I don’t want to ever be away from you and I know that I’ll have to. With may be living at the same place but there are lots of other people living with us, including nuns! What are we going to do?”  
Trixie examined carefully her girlfriend. Barbara had tears in her eyes. She quickly took her into her arms and hugged her tightly. After a while, she loosened her grip and looked seriously at her.   
“Barbara, I need to tell you something.” She took her hand and let her toward a close bench. They sat down.   
“What is it, Trixie?”  
“It’s about Patsy and Delia?”   
Barbara didn’t say anything but looked at her girlfriend intently.   
“They’re like us. They’re together, for a while now.”   
The brunette looked away and nodded vaguely. “I knew there was always something between them, but I didn’t really realize until I fell in love with you. It makes so much sense now.”  
Trixie smiled at her.   
“When did you know?” Barbara asked her.   
“I share a room with Patsy, and I know her for a while now. I just saw a lot of things and I know how people look when they’re in love. I also may have caught them several times in compromising situation.” Barbara giggled. “I think they’re beautiful together but unfortunately, the society doesn’t see what we see, and so they have to hide. But they manage, they power through it. And if they can do it, so can we.”  
“It’s just so unfair, not to be able to love somebody because they’re from the same gender.”  
“I know, but we can’t do anything. We just have to find a way to be together.”  
Barbara took Trixie’s hand into her hand and kissed her slightly. Then she leaned in so that their foreheads were touching. She knew that she’d do anything to be with Trixie, even if it meant hiding and fighting. She’d do anything for her.   
“We will.”

\---

The morning after, Barbara was the first to wake up. Trixie was curled in the middle of the bed, looking absolutely adorable. Barbara grinned at her. She decided not to wake her up yet. She was going to make her some breakfast. Well, at least she’ll try. She was not the best cook but she could still manage a breakfast.   
After a while, she finally managed to make some toast (they were maybe a little burned but anyway) with jam she found in the cupboard, and she prepared two coffees. She brought everything upstairs. Unfortunately, when she entered the bedroom, Trixie was awake and sitting on the bed. She grinned at the view of her girlfriend bringing her breakfast.   
“Oh no, I wanted to wake you up!” She put down the tray.  
Trixie reached for her. “But you made me breakfast.”  
“I did!”   
Barbara sat down on the bed, kissing her girlfriend. Trixie took a piece of toast and examined it. “I think you burned our breakfast.”  
“Sorry, I was looking for the jam.”   
The blonde laughed and gave her a quick peck on the lips. “Thank you, it’s perfect!” 

After they finished their breakfast, Trixie wanted to take a bath. Barbara was happy to make it for but she didn’t think that Trixie would want her to in it with her. But naturally, she couldn’t resist her girlfriend’s puppy eyes and she obliged. Well, it wasn’t like it was a horrible thing to do. On the contrary, she actually enjoyed it a lot.   
They were sitting down in the tube; facing each other, bath foam covering their body. They were laughing from one of Barbara’s stories about her childhood; apparently, she had always been bold, even at a very young age.   
“I can’t believe you did that! How old were you?”  
“Like five. But you don’t understand, I loved those chocolates and my parents put it on the higher shelf because they knew I would eat them all!”   
“Did you?”   
Barbara smiled at her. “I tried, one night, but I was too small and the box emptied itself on the floor. I got into a lot of trouble.”   
Trixie giggled. “Well, now that I know you’re a fan of chocolate, I’ll use it to my interest.”   
Barbara splashed her lightly with bath foam, “don’t even think about it!”  
Trixie’s face looked offended. “You didn’t!”  
Barbara smirked at her. “I did!” Then she proceeded to splash her again, strongly this time. Trixie was now well covered in foam. She started to retaliate. Soon, they were starting a foam fight, laughing at each other. They didn’t stop until Barbara grabbed Trixie to kiss her. The blonde immediately leaned in and kissed her back, smiling. Barbara’s hands were slowly caressing her arms and Trixie’s hands were, as usual, tangled in her hair, putting foam everywhere on her.   
After a while, they released each other but they kept their heads close, their noses touching.   
“I like this,” Trixie said softly, biting her lips.  
Barbara grinned. “I like it, too.”  
Trixie smiled at her girlfriend and then leaned to kiss her once more. 

\---

Barbara had promised Trixie a walk in the sunlight, so here they were, setting up a picnic in a peaceful meadow, at the edge of the forest. The setting was particularly beautiful and it had the advantage of being isolated. The two lovers could then truly be themselves outside of the house without anyone seeing them.   
“To a new beginning,” Barbara proclaimed, raising her glass.   
“To us,” Trixie added and they toasted, smiling. 

“I’m so happy to be here with you,” Trixie said, later on, once they had finished eating and were lying down close to each other on the tablecloth. “You make me happy,” she added, turning her head to look at Barbara. They hands were intertwined together, their legs touching.   
Barbara smiled at her. “You make me happy too.”  
Trixie shifted her body so she was now resting on her side, turned toward her girlfriend.   
“I don’t want this to end.”  
“It won’t,” Barbara reassured her, caressing softly her cheek, “it’ll be different at home but it won’t end, I promise you.” Trixie closed her eyes, leaning into her touch.   
Trixie opened her eyes once more and looked at Barbara, heartily. “Barbara?” The other girl hummed, making her know that she was listening.   
“I love you.”  
Barbara’s breath caught in her throat. She looked into Trixie’s eyes, searching for a confirmation of what she just said. Like that first night at the dance, she saw so much love in them that could never doubt for a second Trixie’s words. Slowly, she smiled at her girlfriend. She used her hand to bring her closer to her, tangling it in her hair. She kissed her slowly and deeply. Then, she broke the kiss but kept her lips only a few millimeters away from Trixie’s. She searched for her eyes. “I love you too.” Trixie’s face slowly illuminated. “I love you so much.”   
The blonde took hold of her girlfriend fiercely and crashed her lips against Barbara’s. They didn’t let go of each other until the sunlight began to fade. 

\---

Finally, it was time to go home. Barbara and Trixie had a hard time packing up and going to the train station. The weekend had been so perfect, and very needed. They were so happy they had the opportunity to completely be with each other and let out their feelings. Something had definitively changed during this weekend. They now belong to each other. They loved each other. It was all they needed to affront the judging world that was awaiting them back in London.   
But they could do it, they told each other as they were boarding the train, hands in hands. They were ready. They had each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! I hope you liked it (I'm more used to write drama than romance) :)  
> IMPORTANT: if you have any suggestions or things you want to see in the next chapters, I'm open for ideas!!


	7. Girls' Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie and Barbara are still in their honeymoon period but things are rather difficult at Nonnatus House. Thankfully, they have great friends!   
> The girls go to Gateway!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if I post less than usual. I'm not feeling very well and I have my exams coming up... Plus, I'm running out of ideas so if you have suggestions, I'm open to it!

Going back to Nonnatus House was harder than expected. 

They were always someone to interrupt them, to enter a room when they thought they were alone, and even in their own rooms, between Valerie, Phyllis, and the other girls, they couldn’t seem to catch a break. The first few days back were hard. But they knew they could manage. And they did.   
They found a way to see each other after their work, or in-between their rounds. They found a way to steal kisses from each other in hidden places. They found a way to spend some night in each other’s arms when Valerie or Phyllis were out on call. 

Well, they were almost caught a few times, but luckily, they had guardian angels. The roles were reversed and now it was Patsy and Delia who making sure they weren’t caught in an inappropriate situation. More than once Patsy or Delia had surprised Trixie kissing Barbara, or leaning in while she was whispering into her ear, warning them by knocking loudly on doors or making weird noises. They often came close to being caught and had barely time to find a casual composure. But it worked. So, they kept it that way. 

Still, they knew they had to talk to Delia and Patsy. Even though they were certainly aware of their situation, having helped them through many awkward situations and being Trixie’s confidants, Barbara and Trixie felt the need to tell them face to face and have a real conversation. Barbara had also told Trixie about Phyllis knowing about them (she was one of her closest friends after all), so they also needed to talk with her. They knew they had to do it soon, even if it meant breaking their sort of honeymoon period. 

Nevertheless, it happened sooner than expected, without even the girls asking to talk to them.   
Barbara and Trixie were back from rounds and they stopped into Barbara’s room in hope of being alone a few minutes at least. But when they entered the bedroom, Phyllis, Delia, and Patsy were waiting for them, sitting on the older woman’s bed. 

“Hey,” Trixie started, puzzled, “is this an intervention?”   
Barbara looked at her, incredulous.   
Patsy laughed slightly at them. “Well, kind of.”  
Delia nudged her girlfriend. “Not at all, don’t listen to her. We’re just here to talk.”   
“Yeah, well it seems like an ambush,” Barbara replied, but she was smiling. She took Trixie’s hand into her own and went to sit down on the bed.   
“So…” Patsy gestured at them. “There’s something you want to tell us?” She was grinning.   
Barbara and Trixie looked at each other. Trixie felt Barbara’s hand give a small squeeze. They were ready.   
“Well, we’d like to announce officially that we are together.”  
Delia and Patsy immediately started to congratulate them and even let outcry of joy, until Phyllis shushed them for making too much noise. She then turned toward the two girls. “I’m happy for you two. Truly. And I hope that no matter what you’ll face in the future, you’ll always have each other. I’ve seen how you are since you’ve got back from that weekend trip, and you just look so happy. I think you are made for each other.” Her eyes were shining.   
Barbara and Trixie were really touched by what she said. They considered Phyllis as a great friend, a confidant, a mentor, and knowing that they had her blessing was everything.   
“Thank you, Phyllis. Truly.” Barbara went to embrace the older woman. “I don’t know what I would have done without you”. 

“We’re really happy for you,” Delia said, smiling at Trixie and Barbara, who sit back down next to her girlfriend. “Like Phyllis said, you two are beaming since you came back. I don’t know what happened back there but apparently, it made you some good!” She winked playfully at them.   
“Still, we could do without the many ‘accidents’,” Patsy added, referring to the many awkward situations they had caught them on.   
Trixie and Barbara blushed immediately.   
“Well, with that being said, we could teach you some tricks,” Delia suggested.   
They all laughed.   
“Yes, thank you, Delia, that would be great.”   
“And Trixie,” Phyllis said, “you’re welcome in this room whenever you’d like. If you and Barbara want to spend some time together, just come and I’ll give you some privacy.”   
The two lovers looked at her gratefully. “Thank you, Phyllis.” They couldn’t believe their luck. They had such good and supportive friends. Even if some of those friends were in the same situation, they were lucky.   
“I would propose the same for you girls,” Phyllis added to Delia and Patsy,” but you’re already sharing a room.” They grinned at the older nurse.   
Patsy took Delia’s hand in her own and held it to her lips, kissing it softly. There was so much love in their eyes.   
Phyllis turned her head to look at the other couple sitting in front of her.   
They were still holding hand and Barbara was leaned toward Trixie, whispering something into her ear that made her giggled. Then, she rested her forehead against hers. They looked so peaceful and loving.   
Phyllis smiled. Indeed, that wasn’t a usual situation and she never thought that working in a convent would lead to that, but here she was, and she wouldn’t change a thing. This was perfect. And she was going to protect them at all cost. 

\---

A few weeks later, Trixie and Barbara were idling chatting and cuddling on Trixie’s bed while Valerie was on call. It was still risky to be in this position when anyone could come in the room, but that was a risk they were willing to take if it meant spending a few minutes together. They were laying on the bed, facing each other, their arms intertwined. They were so serene. 

Trixie reached out to tangled her hand into Barbara’s hair and so about to kiss her when, suddenly, the door opened. They immediately jumped away from each other but they barely had time to react and so their position was still compromising.   
“Oh, sorry girls, I didn’t mean to startle you!”   
Luckily for them, it was only Patsy who standing at the door, a small smile on her lips. She closed the door.   
“Come on Patsy!” Exclaimed Trixie, “you could have least knocked!”  
“Sorry,” she giggled, “but I knew you were in there, and there’s nobody else at this hour.”  
The two lovers were now both sitting on the bed and had time to recompose themselves, even if it was only the red-hair nurse. 

“Sorry I ruined your moment,” Patsy said. However, she was still giggling a little. It was so unusual for her to witness that kind of situation. It was generally her and Delia who had to hide and who were startled at the slightest sound. It was uncommon for her that she wasn’t in this position for once. And it kind of amused her. Especially seeing both of their reaction. But of course, she knew nobody else was there. She would never have put them in any danger. She knew what it was like. Still, a little joke couldn’t hurt. 

“So, Patsy, you wanted to see us or something?” Trixie asked, impatient (she couldn’t wait to go back to her girlfriend and enjoy the little time they had together).   
“Yes,” Patsy said, “Delia and I wanted to propose you to go out tonight since we have a free evening.”   
“You mean, like go out with the other?” Barbara asked her, confused.   
“No, just us four. Delia knows a place where we can be who we are without being judged.”  
“Isn’t it dangerous?” The brunette was still unsure about this.   
“A hundred percent,” she reassured her, “I’ve already been there and Delia knows the place for a long time”.   
Trixie and Barbara looked at each other,   
“We can dance there,” Patsy added.   
Trixie was instantly more interested.   
“With each other?”   
She nodded.  
Trixie turned toward her girlfriend. “Oh, please, Babs, I dreamed of dancing with you since that day at the dance!”  
Barbara was still not convinced but seeing the look on her girlfriend’s face and her desire to go, she couldn’t refuse her.   
“Okay,” she conceded.  
Trixie let out an exclamation of joy and wrapped her into a hug.   
“But if I have any suspicions, we go,” she commented. Trixie nodded, “of course.”

“Awesome, so I’ll see you tonight, and don’t forget to look nice,” Patsy said before standing up.   
“I’ll let you two to whatever you were doing,” she winked at them. The girls were already embracing each other.   
“Oh,” Patsy added before leaving the room, “don’t worry about our story for tonight, Phyllis is covering us.”   
“Thank you, Patsy,” Trixie said wit a smile.   
With that, she left the two girlfriends enjoy their last few minutes together before work called them. 

\---  
When they finally reached Gateways, it was already dark outside. They looked around, seeing if anybody was looking, and when they were assured of being alone, they entered the small hidden café. Delia and Patsy immediately reached for each other and quickly disappeared into the crowd, seeking each other’s warmth and comfort. Barbara and Trixie were left alone; watching with amazement all the other same-sex couples being free together. They were women dancing with each other, kissing, hugging, and chatting. Just being in love. For once, they felt normal and accepted. They never felt more at home.

Trixie took Barbara’s hand in hers and, with a smile, led her to the dancing floor. She put her arms around her neck, and after a few moments, she felt Barbara’s arms around her waist. They got closer and slowly danced with the beat.   
“This place is amazing,” the brunette said, still looking at the other couples.   
She saw Trixie smile.   
“It is.”   
She focused her attention once more on her girlfriend. She seemed so peaceful. She noticed how her eyes were serene and yet so full of love and adoration. And just like that, it felt as if they were alone in the room. No one else, but her and Trixie. She only had eyes for her. She was so beautiful. She loved her so much.   
“I’m so glad to be finally dancing with you,” the blonde whispered softly.   
“I’m so glad to finally be with you,” her girlfriend responded.   
Trixie’s smile brightened. Then, she slowly leaned in to kiss her lightly, not used of people watching.   
“We’ll have to thank Patsy and Deels.”   
Trixie hummed. 

They spotted the Welsh nurse and her girlfriend in one corner of the room, dancing softly with their arms wrapped around each other, just like them. However, they seemed more comfortable and confident. They had more experience, evidently. They were very close to each other and, at one point; Patsy leaned in toward the smaller girl and kissed her, gently at first, then more passionately.   
Trixie and Barbara blushed and turned back toward each other. They giggled. Then, Barbara followed Patsy’s example and kissed her girlfriend once more. They had the night for themselves; she was not going to waste any minute of it. 

\---

It was almost midnight when Valerie Dyer finished her shift. She had been occupied with a rather long and difficult childbirth that lasted all afternoon and a good part of the night. Now, after making sure that mother and baby were safe and sound, she finally could go home. She wanted nothing else but a to find her bed for a long night rest. She took her bike and started to ride back home. 

There weren’t a lot of people at this hour of the night, only lone workers and others who were either going home after a long day of work or going to take a drink at the local pubs that were still open. Valerie normally never met anyone she knew on her ride home. 

So, what was her surprise when she spotted the figures of Patsy and Delia, closely followed by Barbara and Trixie, on the other side of the street. 

Valerie stopped on the sidewalk. 

She didn’t know that the girls had planned a girls’ night. And that wasn’t their usual area. They often choose a location closer to home. 

Valerie looked at them more carefully. They were laughing and chatting cheerfully. Delia was snuggled close to Patsy and Trixie and Barbara were holding hands.   
She looked around and saw a local café just around the corner. The name read ‘Gateway’. It sounded familiar but she couldn’t remember where she had heard it. 

Valerie was about to go back on her bike when she saw something that completely unsettled her. 

In a small street, away from people’s gaze, the girls had stopped. Delia had put her arms around Patsy’s waist and their lips were an inch from each other’s. As for Trixie and Barbara, their hands were still intertwined but their foreheads were now touching, their lips softly brushing against each other. Then, they went on, undisturbed. 

That when it hit her. She remembered what ‘Gateway’ was and what secrets it holds. 

Valerie closed her eyes. 

She stayed hidden until they were out of sight. She quickly took her bike and rode home as fast as she could, her thoughts erratic. She didn’t know what to think.

What has she just witness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! I love you all!!


	8. I Saw You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valerie confronts Trixie about what she saw. Some drama (but nothing too serious bc Valerie is amazing)  
> Phyllis is here to fix everything!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to apologise for not posting a lot lately, I'm not feeling too well and my exams are coming up  
> So the next chapters won't be right away (I finish my exams in 3 weeks so...)  
> Like I said, if you want to see something particular, just tell me, I can put it in the story :)

When Delia, Patsy, Trixie, and Barbara went home that night, it was a few minutes before midnight. Their evening had been wonderful. They spent most of the night dancing with their girlfriend, enjoying each other’s company, chatting cheerfully, just being together in the midst of a crowd. They had been able to be just themselves in front of people, without being judged for who they loved. They were just there, amidst people who were like them. No judgements, no sideway looks, no interventions. Just people dancing and laughing. It had been incredible. 

Trixie and Barbara thanked Delia for suggesting the place. They had an amazing time. It was an evening they’ll never forget. 

When they entered Nonnatus House, everything was calm and silent. Obviously, everyone at this hour was asleep. They went upstairs as quietly as they could. When they arrived in front of their bedroom, Trixie and Barbara shared a goodnight kiss. Delia and Patsy could still enjoy being with the other as they were sleeping in the same room since Valerie was staying with Trixie. They said goodnight to each other’s and entered their bedrooms. 

Trixie was still smiling when she closed the door behind her. However, she was surprised to see that Valerie was still up and apparently waiting for her. She was sitting on her bed, in her pyjamas, wide-awake. 

“I didn’t know you were going out tonight.” There was accusation in her tone.  
Trixie settled down on her bed, a little bit uncomfortable.  
“It was kind of at the last minute and you were on shift… we didn’t want to keep you out…”  
Valerie nodded. “Oh, don’t worry. We can go another time.”  
There was a beat.  
“Where did you go?”  
Trixie looked nervous. “Um, we went to that same café we went last time together.” 

The blonde changed into her pyjamas. She hoped she would change the subject soon. Valerie seemed satisfied with her answer. Trixie went to her bed. She was ready to turn off the light when Valerie said one more thing:

“I saw you.”  
Trixie’s blood ran cold. What did she mean?  
She turned her head to look at the brunette.  
“What?”  
“I saw you,” she repeated,” all of you.” She was now staring at the blonde. “You weren’t at that café. I saw you leaving that place. I think it’s called Gateways.” 

Trixie was frozen on the sptot. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t breathe.  
She stared at her with wide-eyes.  
“Valerie…” She tried to speak. 

“It’s alright, Trixie.” She said, “I just wished you have said something.”  
With that, she turned around in her bed and switch off the lights. 

Trixie stared at her, dumbfounded.  
She couldn’t just say that and go to sleep! She felt her blood ran cold. She had never been so afraid of her life. What are they going to do if Valerie decides to speak to someone else. And what did she mean by ‘it’s alright’? She was paralysed with fear. 

Trixie didn’t move for what felt like hours until she heard the soft breathing of the girl next to her, indicating that she was asleep. She quietly got out of her bed and left the room.  
She needed to warn Barbara. She couldn’t wait until morning. 

She entered Barbara and Phyllis’ room and quickly went to one side of her girlfriend’s bed. She shook her gently. “Barbara! Barbara, wake up!”

“What?” The brunette mumbled, still half-asleep.  
However, Phyllis turned on her light and sat up, immediately awakened by Trixie’s not-so-quiet arrival. She looked at the younger nurse with concern. Indeed, Trixie was so agitated that her whole body was trembling. “Trixie, what is the matter?”  
The blonde turned toward her. Barbara was now fully awake. She sat on her bed and took Trixie into her arms. “Gosh Trixie, you’re trembling!” She embraced her strongly, trying to reassure her.  
But Trixie was restless. “It’s Valerie! She knows!”  
“She knows what?” Phyllis asked, trying to get a coherent answer from her.  
“About us,” she said, looking directly at Barbara. The brunette’s eyes immediately widen. Her face went from shock to fear.  
“No?” She couldn’t believe it.  
But Trixie nodded. “She knows for Delia and Patsy too.”  
“H…How?”  
“She saw us leaving ‘Gateways’…”  
They looked at each other, not knowing what to say or what to think. What would they do? What could they do? Valerie had been here for less than a year, they didn’t know her very well but she was a good, honest, and hard-working person. They never thought they would have to hide from her, even less, fear her. 

“Okay girls, let’s slow down.” Phyllis took charge of the situation, as always. She turned toward Trixie. “You say she saw all of you going home?” Trixie nodded. “Did she clearly say that she saw you in a compromising position?”  
She frowned. “Not really. But she alluded clearly to it. She knew what she is talking about, I’m sure of it.”  
Phyllis sighed.  
“She also said that she wished that we had talked to her.”  
“What does she mean by that?” Barbara asked her, still holding her girlfriend for dear life.  
“I don’t know, she went to sleep after that. I didn’t have a chance to talk to her, I was too paralysed to do anything…”  
“It’s okay,” the brunette soothed her. 

Phyllis was assessing the situation. She looked at the two girls, sitting on the bed before us, holding each other’s so dearly. She swore that she’d never let anything happen to them. She had to keep her promise. She had to protect them. 

“I’ll take care of it,” she said. The two lovers looked at her expectantly.  
“How?”  
“Just let me handle it. Don’t worry about anything.”  
She smiled at them reassuringly. “Do you trust me?”  
They both nodded.  
“Then I swear nothing bad is going to happen to you.” 

\---

The next morning, Trixie woke up earlier than usual and got ready in no time. She didn’t want to face Valerie after what had happened the night before. She went downstairs for breakfast before Valerie had even the chance to say ‘good morning’. 

Apparently, she wasn’t the only one to do that as she met Barbara on the way. The two lovers shared an anxious look and entered the empty kitchen. They were too afraid to even hold hands or show any sign of affection in a place where anyone could enter. They were quickly joined by the Sisters and Delia and Patsy who, on the contrary, weren’t aware at all, of the situation. Indeed, they seemed to radiate happiness. They were glancing at each other’s and, at one point; Delia even took Patsy’s hand into her own for a few moments before letting. Trixie and Barbara wished they could be this carefree but other matters occupied their mind. 

The only people missing were Phyllis and Valerie. 

Trixie and Barbara glanced nervously at each other. Something that was caught on by the two other nurses at the table who looked at them, curiously. 

Phyllis was their only hope. 

\---

Phyllis made sure that Barbara was sent down quickly at breakfast so she could catch Valerie on the way there and talk to her. 

When the young nurse left her room, Phyllis called her out. Valerie looked at her, surprised, but then, followed her. They went to a small hidden corner where they could talk privately. 

“Nurse Crane, what is it? Is there something wrong?”  
“Depends on you, Nurse Dyer.” Her voice was firm.  
Valerie was confused.  
“What does?”  
The older nurse took a breath.  
“I heard that you saw Nurse Franklin and Nurse Gilbert, together, last night, leaving a rather compromising place.”  
Valerie was shaken. “How do…what…?”  
“I know more than I let appear. It is safer that way. But as I may understand, you are now aware of the uncommon relationship between Nurse Franklin and Nurse Gilbert.” Valerie nodded but didn’t say anything. “Well, I suggest that you keep that to yourself, whatever your opinion on it might be. Trixie and Barbara are two young and good women. If you reveal anything, it will cost them their jobs and their reputation. They don’t deserve this. Neither do Patsy and Delia. If you want to do something, just think what the consequences will be.”

Valerie looked at Phyllis, her expression was grave and she also seemed confused. “I’m not going to say anything!”  
Phyllis assessed her expression. She seemed sincere. “Good.”  
“No,” Valerie started once again, “I mean, I never intended on saying something! That wasn’t my intention when I told Trixie about it.” 

It was Phyllis’s turn to be confused. “What was your intention then?” 

“I wanted to let her know that I knew about them but nothing more, and especially not as a threat. I was just a bit hurt that didn’t tell me about it. I thought that they trusted me. And I know how to keep a secret.” 

Phyllis hasn’t been expecting this. “So, you’re saying that you have nothing against them?”  
“Of course I don’t! I know from personal experiences that it happens that people fall in love with someone from the same gender. If they truly love each other’s, and from what I’ve seen they do, it the only thing that matters.” 

Phyllis smiled lightly. “Welcome to our little group then, Nurse Dyer!”

Apparently, Phyllis had acquired another protégée. 

\---

At one point during breakfast, Phyllis and Valerie joined them. Barbara and Trixie immediately tensed seeing them entering the room, not knowing what had happened between the two. However, Phyllis had a reassuring smile on her face and Valerie behave as if nothing happened, even entertaining cheerfully the conversation with Patsy. Barbara and Trixie relaxed for a few moments, but they still had to know what happened. 

After breakfast, Phyllis quickly grabbed the two of them and asks Valerie to follow her, and she led them to an isolated corner. Things had to be settled.  
The two girls were getting anxious once again. 

“We have to talk,” Phyllis said.  
They all nodded.  
“So, I talk with Nurse Dyer about your little conversation last night,” she pointed toward Trixie, “and I think she has something to say to you two.”  
Valerie looked at Trixie and Barbara apologetically, “I’m sorry if I have frightened you last night about what I said. That wasn’t my intention. I was just hurt that you didn’t tell me before. I thought we were friends.”  
Trixie and Barbara exchanged a surprised look.  
“So you don’t have a problem with us?” Barbara asked her, pointing to the two of them.  
“Absolutely not! And, I don’t know your history but I’m happy for you. Same for Patsy and Delia. I just wished that had confided in me.”  
Trixie sighed.  
“It has nothing to do with you. We’re very sorry, but we are in a precarious situation and we don’t know who we can trust.”  
“But now we know we can trust you.” They smiled at her.  
“Thank you,” Trixie added.  
“For what?”  
“Just accepting us as we are, you don’t know how much this means to us.”  
Valerie smiled brightly. “Well, I’m happy to be a part of it!” She never had friendships like this. She always envied Trixie and Barbara, as they seem so close, so at ease with each other’s, and now she knew why. And she was so grateful to be able to share it with them. She is going to enjoy being in Nonnatus House. 

“Well, if all that had to be say is said,” Phyllis declared, breaking the moment, “we have a job to do, ladies!” 

\---

This evening, all the girls decided to do a pyjama party in Valerie and Trixie’s room (Phyllis was quite fed up with everyone always showing up to her bedroom). During the day, Barbara had informed Patsy and Delia of what happened with Valerie but reassured them quickly by telling them that Valerie was on their side. That’s why they decided to spend some time together, all the girls, to show Valerie that she was quite welcome with them. 

They all reunited in her bedroom, surprising her with cookies and others edible things they had found in the kitchen (the ones Sister Monica Joan hadn’t eaten yet). They started talking and laughing pretty quickly, like the first night they had shared with her, but this time, there were no secrets to hide. Barbara went to sit next to her girlfriend, taking her hand in hers and snuggling against her; Delia doing the same thing with Patsy. 

After a while, they were almost all laying in the two beds of the room, resting against each other. 

Valerie looked at all of them, cuddling peacefully, and smiled. How lucky she was to be able to be part of something like that!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!  
> Don't forget to give me your ideas if you have some :)


	9. The Troubles Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie and Barbara are on a little cloud but some new things will disturb their happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!!!!  
> I'm so sorry for the wait!! I am done with exams and all so I should be able to write more regularly now!   
> I think this fanfic will have 4 or 5 more chapters (with some drama, of course :p)
> 
> I hope you'll like it <3

It had been a few weeks since Valerie discovered their secret and she had now become a great confident, especially for Trixie who would talk to her animatedly every night she didn’t spend with Barbara. The two lovers were also making great progress and were getting more and more skilful at hiding their relationship to people at Nonnatus House; they knew the best ways to spend as much time together as they could without being caught. They were happy and their love for each other only seemed to grow. 

Trixie was spending more time at the hospital as she managed to be chosen for a medical training. If she passes it, she could become a doctor. Or at least, something almost as capable as a doctor. She was so excited. Trixie had loved learning more in Africa and she wanted to expand her medical skills. This was her chance. And maybe she could also open doors for women. Times were changing; she was ready to show that women could do as much as men, and even more. 

She missed midwifery but she was still taking care of a few patients; and in time, she knew it would be worth it. For now, she had to face the sexism of most of the men working and training with her, because of course, she was one of the only women to apply for that kind of internship. The workdays were hard; being surrounded by so many men, who were not very happy to see her there and who were always patronising her, was not easy. But she was ready to endure it. At least, she could go home to her lover and her family. She wouldn’t have been able to it if she hadn’t had them. Cuddling with Barbara after a long day of work would always make everything better. 

Trixie internship was going pretty well and she was learning so many new things and techniques. She really loved it. The only major drawback, except being surrounded by mostly men, was her teaching doctor, Doctor John Emerson. He was so incredibly talented and was probably one of the best teachers she ever had. However, unfortunately, he seemed to be really taken with her. At first, she thought that it was only the same reaction as the other men had shown toward her. She didn’t give much attention to it after making clear that she was not interested in the least. But, although the others had given up, he had persisted. 

Trixie was not impressed by men trying to seduce her. He wasn’t the first and he would certainly not be the last. But there was something in him that made her uncomfortable and nervous. Normally, when she rejected a man, they would understand and leave her alone, even if some of them had insisted a little bit longer. 

For Doctor Emerson, it had been a month since she had started her internship and she had first rejected his advances. A whole month! And he still hadn’t given up. Even worse, his advances were becoming more and more demanding. She didn’t know what to do.

She was trying to avoid him as much as possible when she had free time or when she was on a consultation. She always tried to be with the others when she had to ask questions or when he was teaching them. She never stayed late at the hospital, always going home as soon as she could. And yet, he always found moments to be with her when they were all alone. 

Last time, during one of those alone moments, he had become utterly insistent and had even tried to kiss her. She had run away. But now she was getting extremely apprehensive of their next meeting. 

He was her superior and her teacher, there was nothing she could do against him or she was going to be fired from the program. It was her only chance to be able to become a doctor. She couldn’t throw it away because of a man. She just needed to find a way to avoid him as much as possible. 

Trixie hadn’t mentioned this to Barbara. She didn’t want to worry her. She knew that she would get angry and would want her to report him. But she knew that if she did that, she would be expelled from the internship. Or she would talk to Phyllis, who would probably do the same thing or worse and the result would be the same. She loved Barbara and Phyllis with all her heart but she couldn’t risk it. She was very capable of dealing with this situation on her own. 

Still, for now, it was hard concentrating when an annoying doctor kept hitting on her. 

“Trixie? Trixie!” 

Trixie suddenly awakened from her reverie. 

She was sitting in the garden at the back of Nonnatus House with Barbara, enjoying one of their few moments alone. But apparently, her mind had been caught up in her situation at the hospital and she hadn’t been listening to Barbara. 

Her girlfriend was looking at her with concern. “You aren’t listening to me, are you?”

Trixie looked at her apologetically, “I’m sorry, Babs.” She put her hand on her forehead, as a way to forget her troubles, and leaned against it. 

Barbara touched softly her leg. “Is something bothering you?”   
She seemed so worried. Trixie hated to lie to her. But she didn’t want to worry her. “No, its nothing,” she replies, sitting up and smiling lightly, ‘I’m just tired.”   
Barbara took her hand into her own. “This internship is exhausting you. I know it’s important for you but just make sure you take time to rest and to take care of yourself.”   
Trixie looked at her lovingly. “I have you to take care of me.”   
Barbara smiled brightly. “Always.” With that, she leaned in to kiss her. 

\---

The next day, Trixie went back to the hospital with more confidence than before. She was going to go through this program, whatever she had to endure from Doctor Emerson, and she was going to become a doctor and Barbara and she will live quietly and peacefully. 

However, fate didn’t agree with her. 

She had barely stepped into the hospital that Doctor Emerson was greeting her and started to make small talk. Luckily, Trixie was an expert at hiding her feelings and she smiled at him, pretending to be interested. 

“So, how was your day off? I hope you took time to rest!” 

‘Yeah, like he cared about what I did on my free days’ Trixie thought to herself. 

“Very well, thank you for asking, Doctor.” Trixie made a point to keep addressing him by his title or last name, even after all the times he asked her to call him ‘John’. She was not going to show him any signs of intimacy. Maybe he’ll understand at some point. God, she hoped he did quickly. She wouldn’t have to endure those horrible and plain conversations. As always, Doctor Emerson was back at his uninteresting small talk, asking about her weekend and telling her his’. 

And as always, he would ask her out. One more time.   
“So, what about I buy you a cup of coffee at the end of the day? It’s going to be a long day, we could both use a time to relax.”

He had stopped in the middle of the corridor, getting in front of her, blocking her way.   
She looked straight into his eyes. ‘Here we go again’. 

“I’m terribly sorry Doctor, but I possibly can’t tonight, I am meeting my friends for a drink.” 

She had already used every excuse possible. Now, she was recycling old ones. How could he not take the hint? 

However, this time, instead of letting her go with glaring eyes, he grabbed her arms and drawn her to him. She was so close to him she could smell his cologne. She was disgusted. She tried to get away but he was stronger. 

“I hope you realise what you are doing! If you keep this up, you’ll soon see that you don’t belong in this program.” He whispered in her ear. 

It was a threat. 

Then, he let her go. He readjusted his clothes and walked away as if nothing had happened. 

Trixie tried to regain her spirits. It was a threat. He was a threatening her now. She wouldn’t be able to avoid him for much longer. Or else she would have to say goodbye to her career as a doctor. 

She was trapped. She couldn’t tell Barbara or the others or they will tell her to quit. Or worse, he could find about her and Barbara. She couldn’t even consider this possibility. She had to keep Barbara safe. She had to. She couldn’t bear the fact that she could be hurt or that anything bad could happen to her. 

What was she going to do? 

\---

Barbara was worried about Trixie. 

They had spent the weekend together, as always, but recently Trixie seemed not to be herself. She was always lost in her thoughts all the time and she wasn’t very focused. Barbara knew that her work at the hospital and her work here as a midwife was exhausting her but she seemed more and more anxious. She was starting to wonder if that was a good idea. She knew that Trixie loved doing what she did at the hospital. She was so excited about all the new things she was learning. She spent nights telling her about her day and everything. But now, she almost never did that. She always seemed on edge and preoccupied with something. 

She tried to make her feel good and safe at home. But it didn’t seem to work. Trixie still loved spending time with her and, she knew that she was the more at peace when they were both laying on the bed, cuddled up with each other. And yet, even there, something was off. 

Barbara was determined to know what it is. She couldn’t bear that Trixie was somewhat unhappy or troubled. She was her girlfriend and she loved her. She would do anything to make her feel better and safe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!   
> Much Love <3


	10. I Have No Choice But I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie must make a decision concerning Doctor Emerson, but things will get ugly and lead to a heartbreak.  
> Thankfully, Phyllis is always here to support and love our girls!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait!! I'll try to make it up to you by adding the next chapter quickly!! For now, I have a long chapter for you guys!!  
> Comments and suggestions are appreciated :)

Trixie and Barbara were enjoying a nice walk near the water after being out for dinner. It had been a while since they have last gone out only the two of them. It was nice to finally be able to be alone in the fresh air. It was already dark outside and only a few people were still out, so there were safe. Nobody would see them in the darkness unless they wanted to. 

The two lovers were walking peacefully along the port, hands in hands. Trixie hadn’t still figured out a solution for a problem with Doctor Emerson but she was determined to enjoy as much as possible the time she had with Barbara and worry about that later. Especially since he was leaving for a medical journey, which would last at least a month, in two days. They were going to have somebody else as their supervisor. So she’ll have a month to figure out a way to get rid of him. She had time. For now, she was with her girlfriend and that was all that mattered. 

Barbara was still worried about Trixie but she didn’t want to force her to talk about it. She knew Trixie trusted her and she would talk to her when she would be ready. She only hoped it wasn’t too serious. But tonight, she was just going to enjoy spending time with her girlfriend. Trixie seemed so relax and content, she wasn’t going to ruin it. 

Instead, she squeezed her hand and smiled at her. 

“You know that you look really beautiful in the moonlight,” she said, watching Trixie grinning back at her. 

“Not as beautiful as you,” the blonde replied, cheekily. 

“Well, that can’t be possible,” Barbara retorted, “your blue eyes are mesmerising and I could never compete with your gorgeous hair!” She winked at her as she said it. 

Trixie laughed cheerfully, blushing slightly. She stopped and cup Barbara’s face in her hands. Looking intensely at her, she said: “you’re the most beautiful person I know and for me, you’ll always be the most amazing and stunning woman I’ve ever met and no one is even going to make me change my mind.” She ended up with a peck on her girlfriend’s lips. 

Barbara smiled brightly, wrapping her arms around Trixie’s neck, bringing her closer. “I love you”.  
Trixie rested her forehead on Barbara’s. “I love you too.” They kissed one more time, their lips crashing together. They couldn’t get enough of each other. 

When they finally draw back from each other to get some air, they started walking again, as close as possible, arms intertwined around each other, enjoying this moment together.

“Still, I think you’re the attractive one in this relationship,” Barbara said after a while, winking at her. 

All she could hear was Trixie’s laughter. 

\---

However, despite the darkness, a dark shadow was watching. He was half hidden behind a building, looking at the two lovers with disgust and shock. But, after watching them for a while, a small smile formed on his face. Now, he knew how to get to her. 

\---  
After their walk, they went back to Nonnatus House, trying to be as quiet as possible. They ran up the stairs giggling, still hands in hands. They reached Trixie’s door and, after checking no one was there, Barbara grabbed her girlfriend and crashed her lips against hers. 

“Goodnight,” she whispered tenderly, her soft breath tickling Trixie’s cheeks.  
“Goodnight, sweetie,” she murmured before dropping a kiss on Barbara’s cheek. 

They finally let go of each other and Trixie entered her bedroom, giving Barbara one more kiss. 

The brunette made her way towards her own bedroom, passing in front of the one Patsy and Delia used to share before they moved in a flat together. She remembered the day they both had announced that they were leaving to live in their very own apartment. She was so happy for them. Now, they could be together without hiding, without judging, and sharing a home with the person you loved was a dream come true. Barbara hoped that one day, Trixie and her could do the same. Plus, even though they didn’t live with them anymore, they were still seeing them everyday and they would often share meals at Nonnatus House. So it wasn’t such a big change, just more intimacy and freedom for Patsy and Delia. But it was still weird for Barbara to walk in front of their bedroom and no seeing them, laughing or chatting. She had to get used to it. 

Barbara finally reached her door and entered her bedroom. She was glad when she saw that Phyllis was awake and had apparently just got home from work. At least, she didn’t wake her. 

“Good evening Barbara,” greeted Phyllis, “I see that you’re coming home late. I hope you had a good time with Trixie!” Her tone was playful. 

Barbara blushed a little; she still wasn’t used to being so open about her relationship. “I did, thank you, Phyllis,” she answered, smiling at the older woman. 

She sat down on her bed, thinking about her evening with Trixie. Even though they had a wonderful time, Barbara couldn’t shake off the feeling that Trixie was hiding something from her, something important that seemed to concern her. if only she would talk to her! 

Phyllis seemed to notice that something was off with her roommate. “Is everything alright, Barbara?”

The brunette turned her head and met Phyllis’s eyes. “Yes, yes… It’s just that…never mind!”  
“Barbara, you know you can talk to me if something’s wrong.” Phyllis sat down in front of her, tenderness in her eyes. 

Barbara sighed. “It’s about Trixie. I think she is hiding something from me, something that bothers her and she doesn’t want to talk about it. I want to help her but I don’t want to force her. And she makes as if everything is okay but I can see that she is not. I don’t know what to do.” 

Phyllis seemed to think about it for a while before speaking. “Does it have something to do with her work at the hospital?”  
“I don’t know but I suppose so.”  
“Maybe she is just tired from all of her work there but also of the attitude of her male co-workers.”  
Barbara raised her head and looked at Phyllis, questioningly.  
“I have worked with a lot of men in my life and I can tell you that they can be very condescending and irritating, especially when you’re trying to do the same job as them. And taking into accounts Trixie’s good looks; I bet that she must have had more than a few remarks.”

Barbara’s eyes were wide open. “Do you think they might cause her trouble?”  
It was Phyllis’s turn to sigh. “Probably, but if there is one person who could handle it, it is certainly Trixie. This girl has more strength than most of these men.”  
Barbara nodded, smiling slightly.  
“But if you want, I can go talk to her tomorrow, I have to be at the hospital to see one of my patients, maybe I’ll see if something is bothering her?”  
“That would be great, thank you, Phyllis!” The brunette leaned in to hug the older woman.  
Apparently, she had taken over the role of their confidant and protector. Barbara didn’t know what she would do without her. 

\---

The next day, Phyllis was on her way to the hospital after having reassured Barbara that she was going to make sure Trixie was okay. She really hoped that nothing bad was happening to her. 

She arrived at the hospital and went on with her consultations. She’ll find Trixie when she’ll be finished. 

\---

After a quick lunch, Phyllis hasn’t still seen Trixie. She was wandering in the hallways of the hospitals, knowing that it was the time of her break and that she would probably want to find someplace quiet and peaceful. She passed in front of several doors, some locked, some opened an inch, but none of them with a young blonde nurse inside. 

However, she stopped dead in her tracks when she heard a familiar voice. She looked discreetly inside the room, finding the person she had been looking for. 

Trixie was standing near the wall of the room, looking uncomfortable. In front of her, a tall man with a doctor’s coat was blocking her way out. He had a dominant posture. Phyllis didn’t like the look of it. 

She heard him speak first. “I’m going to ask you one last time and I hope you won’t refuse me. It’s in your best interest.” 

Trixie frowned but pushed him back. “I already told you no! You’re not going to change my mind, even if it means leaving the internship!” 

However, the doctor grabbed her arm and pulled her close to him. “This is a very bad idea, Beatrix. I know your little secret. I know what you did last night with that friend of yours. You know, the cute brunette.” 

Trixie realised what he was talking about and now she looked terrified. The doctor smirked. “I see that you know what I’m talking about. So if you want to keep your secret safe, you better leave her and come to the medical trip tomorrow with me as my companion. Or your ‘friend’ might have to leave with the consequences of your actions.” 

Trixie had never been so scared in her entire life. She has no choice. 

“So, what are you saying?”  
Trixie took all the courage she had and nodded, “I’ll come with you.”  
“Good, I’ll see you tomorrow then!”  
With that, he left the room quickly, smiling to himself. 

Phyllis hid behind the door when he came out, so he doesn’t see her. When she was sure he left, she looked once again at the room where Trixie was now standing her back to the door, her body shaken by her muffled cries. 

Phyllis was enraged. She couldn’t believe that this doctor was using his power to have Trixie. She couldn’t believe he manipulated her that way and he was threatening her and Barbara. No wonder Barbara had been so concerned about Trixie. The poor girl must have had to deal with him since she started the internship. Phyllis was seeing red. 

She entered the room quietly, no wanting to scare Trixie. She closed the door and went to take the trembling girl in her arms, making herself know. “Trixie…”  
When Trixie saw who it was, she wrapped her arms around the older woman, seeking comfort. 

“It’s going to be okay, lass, I swear to you I’m going to make it right.”  
Trixie stepped back, wiping away her tears. “No, you can’t.”  
“Trixie…”  
“No, you heard him! He knows! He is going to go after Barbara! I can’t let him do that! He has power and influence, people will believe him; he is capable of destroying Barbara’s life and reputation! I won’t let him do that!” 

“But Trixie, you can’t agree to what he asks you… we need to go to the police at least…”  
“And you think the police would listen to two nurses with one of them who’s having a relationship with a woman or a respected doctor?”  
There was a silence.  
“There is nothing we can do! I don’t care what happens to me but I couldn’t live with myself if Barbara is ruined because of me.” 

Phyllis was desperate. She couldn’t let Trixie do that but she also couldn’t risk her girls’ lives. She understood why she was doing it. She hated it but she understood. 

“Trixie, maybe there is another way.”  
“Right now, there isn’t. I’m thankful for everything you did for me, for us, Phyllis. But now, I have to protect her. Even if it kills me.”

She started to leave the room, her mind made up.  
“Trixie,” Phyllis stopped her, looking genuinely at her, “be careful, ok? We’ll find a way to help you, I promise.”  
Trixie took her hand. “Can you promise me not to tell anything to Barbara, please?”  
Phyllis hesitated but when she saw the pleading look in Trixie’s eyes, she nodded. “I promise.”  
She wrapped the blonde in her arms. “Take care of her for me, please?”  
“Of course, always. Take care of yourself, Trixie.”  
She nodded and then, left the room quickly, wiping away her tears. 

Phyllis stayed still in the room for a few minutes, trying to wrap her head around what just happened. She had no time to feel sorry, she needed to be strong for Barbara, for Trixie. Those girls love each other and what Trixie was going to do was going to break their hearts. But what else was she supposed to do? 

\---

Trixie was waiting for Barbara on the bench behind Nonnatus House. She was so nervous she thought she was going to throw up. Her heart was breaking in a million pieces just thinking about what she was going to tell Barbara. 

She loved her, oh God, she loved her so much. She couldn’t even imagine what it was going to be without her, without her kiss, without her warmth. But it was because she loved her so much that she was doing that. She promised herself to protect her, to keep her safe. She was doing the right thing. 

Barbara arrived and sat down next to her, giving her a peck on the lips. She noticed immediately that Trixie wasn’t okay. She seemed on edge, ready to cry. But especially, her eyes reflected so much sadness. She looked miserable. 

“What’s wrong, Trix?” She asked, worried.  
Trixie looked at her and decided not to wait. It would be easier that way (as if any of this was easy!).  
“I’m leaving. Tomorrow. I’m going with Doctor Emerson on the medical trip.”  
Barbara’s eyes widen with surprise. She frowned.  
“But I thought you didn’t like him? When did you decide this?”  
“It’s a last minute thing…” Trixie's heart was breaking but she needed to do this. “I need to do this Barbara if I want to reach a higher level in medical…I need to focus on it.”  
Barbara was confused.  
“What do you mean by that?”  
Trixie thought she was going to cry. She needed to be strong.  
“Trixie?” Barbara’s voice was breaking.  
“We need to take a break in our relationship. I need to focus on my work.” She couldn’t meet Barbara’s eyes. She didn’t trust herself. 

But Barbara wasn’t taking any of it. “I don’t understand, Trixie. Is something wrong? Did something happen? You can talk to me you know, always.”  
Trixie took Barbara’s hands firmly into her own. “I need you to trust me, Barbara. I’m doing this for us. But I really need to go, okay?”  
Barbara nodded without understanding. She had tears in her eyes.  
“I love you, so much. You know that?”  
She nodded again.

Trixie rested her forehead on Barbara’s. She kissed her softly one last time. “Take care of yourself, Babs”. She whispered before disappearing quickly inside, leaving Barbara on the bench with tears rolling on her cheeks. 

It was better this way. She did what she needed to do to protect her. That was the right thing to do. 

But, as her heart was aching with misery, Trixie couldn’t stop thinking she had made a mistake. 

Of course, she had just broken up with the love of her life! As she was climbing the stairs towards her room, she let her tears fall. When she entered the intimacy of her bedroom, she didn’t even change and just went under the covers where she let her heartache take over. 

Oh God, she really hoped that she did the right thing!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I love you! :)  
> I promise you that it'll get better for our girls <3


	11. How To Fight Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a month and our favourite girls are missing each other. Once again, Phyllis saves the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very happy with this chapter but it had to be done  
> So, I hope that you still enjoy it :)

It has been a month. Well, 28 days to be exact. Trixie had been counting the days since she had to leave Barbara. This was slowly killing her. Being so far away from each other. She missed her touch, she missed her scent, her lips, her hands, she missed the way she smiled, the way she laughed, the way she would frown when she wouldn’t understand something. She missed everything about her. 

But knowing that Barbara probably hated her now was the worse pain of all. 

She knew that it was better that way. Barbara was safe and her being kept in the dark assured this safety. But she couldn’t help to feel guilty. She lied to her and made her believe that she didn’t care about her anymore. Although it was the total opposite: she had made this choice because she loves her so much. But Barbara didn’t know that so she had to live with herself for now, until she finds a way out of there. 

It had been a horrible month of forced smiles and false gesture of affection. Thankfully, Dr Emerson was so busy that she would have some time for herself. Travelling with him as his partner meant for her to stay at his side and exchange a few kisses. It would not go beyond that and Trixie was really glad for it. His medical duties kept him busy and, even if sometimes he tried more when they were in private, Trixie would push him away. She had agreed to come here with him and act as his companion, this was enough. Just thinking of him was making her shiver with repulsion. 

At least, the medicine was interesting and she had the opportunity to learn a lot of new things. Every time she had a free moment, she would focus on her studies, on her work. It kept her mind busy. And it would prevent her from thinking of Barbara. Otherwise, she knew she would just lose it and burst into tears. 

She was stronger than that. She could do it. She would find a way to get back to Barbara. But for now, she had to stay sane and strong. 

\---

Barbara was laying in her bed, fully awake despite the late hour. Phyllis was sleeping peacefully next to her but she couldn’t. She didn’t think she had one good night of sleep since Trixie left. It was almost a month ago. 28 days actually. But it seemed like an eternity for Barbara. 

She missed her so much. Every single day, every aching hour. She missed kissing her and holding her and making her laugh. Doing her everyday job was harder and harder since she wasn’t there. Since the beginning, Trixie has always been there. She was there when Barbara started and she was really used to her presence. It was like they both belonged here, with each other. And not having her here was weirdly painful. She was passing in front of her bedroom’s door, expecting her to come out with her hair done perfectly and a smile on her face, stealing a kiss from her and then hurrying down the stairs not to be late for breakfast. 

And every time she was reminded that she wasn’t here anymore. She had left her. She has left her to go with that Doctor. Barbara didn’t understand. Trixie hadn’t explained anything to her. Why would she go with him although she hated him? Why would she leave so abruptly, without an explanation? Why would she leave at all? She had told her she loved her. Barbara didn’t doubt it for a second. She knew Trixie loved her. So why had she done it? 

She could feel that Trixie was hiding something important from her. She knew it even before she decided to leave. She also knew that Trixie wouldn’t do this to her except she was being forced to. Barbara knew it had something to do with that horrible doctor. And she was going to get to the bottom of it, even if it took everything from her. She would do it, for Trixie, for the love of her life. 

\---

During Trixie’s absence, Phyllis hadn’t rest. She had kept her promise to the younger girl not to tell Barbara, but that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t try everything to get her out of this mess. She would not give up on her. 

So, she had started to do some researches on this John Emerson. At first, she hadn’t found anything interesting. She had kept looking and asking everyone he knew, from patients to family. She had to be careful, of course, but she found out that she was actually very good at it. If she ever retires from midwifery, she would make a great detective! 

However, finally, a few days later, she found out what she’s been looking for, and even more. After talking to people who knew him, and with a little help from Sergeant Noakes, she found out a lot of things about Dr Emerson. Ugly and horrible things. It made her hate him even more. And also terrified for Trixie. But she could use it. She could definitively use it, for Trixie. She just had to find a way to contact her. 

\---

With her newly found information on Dr Emerson, Phyllis was beginning to see some lights at the end of the tunnel for both of her girls. She had tried during this month to help Barbara in any way but she looked so miserable, she couldn’t find a way to make her feel better. But now, with what she had, she could. And she was going to make it right. 

Phyllis was rearranging some papers in her bedroom when the door opened and closed on the newcomer. She saw Barbara lie down on her bed, looking exhausted. She knew that the young nurse was spending as mush time as possible with her patients to avoid being at home alone, missing her girlfriend. 

“Are you okay, Barbara?” Phyllis asked softly.   
“What do you think?” She replied, turning over to face her. She was not in a good mood.   
Phyllis went closer to her and took her hand in her own. She had kept her promise to Trixie but it was getting harder and harder everyday. She wanted to give her little bit of hope after everything they’ve been through.   
“Don’t worry, lass, I think that Trixie might come home earlier than expected.” 

At this remark, Barbara’s eyes lighted up. She looked at Phyllis, expectantly. “What? How? Did she contact you?” 

The older woman sighed and wondered briefly if she hadn’t made a mistake by telling her. But after all, Barbara deserved to know and maybe she could even help her get Trixie back to her. They would be stronger together. Phyllis decided to break her promise to Trixie but it was for the better good. And if she could help them get back to each other, it would have been worth. 

“I don’t have news from Trixie, unfortunately,” Barbara’s face fell slightly, “but I may have something that could help her.”   
“What do you mean?” The younger nurse was confused.   
Phyllis took a deep breath, “it’s complicated, Barbara, so listen to me carefully.” 

Telling her the truth was not going to be easy but it was the best thing to do. Phyllis then started to explain what had really happened and why Trixie had left her so abruptly. 

 

After Phyllis had explained everything to Barbara, the younger nurse was under shock. Now, she understood what and why Trixie did what she did. During this month, she had wanted to blame her, for making her suffer, for making her miss her so much that she wouldn’t sleep, for making her heart and her eyes bleed from the love she was missing. She wanted to have a reason for this pain. So she had blamed her, because she had left her without any explanation, without a real goodbye. She had disappeared early in the morning, like a breeze of air, without warning. 

But now, she could put the pieces back together. Now she knew the truth.   
‘Goddammit Trixie, you should have told me!’ Barbara thought.   
She couldn’t imagine what Trixie must have been through all alone. Barbara wished that she’d have told her; she could have helped her earlier. But there was no time to wonder about the past, what is done is done. Now, she could focus on what Phyllis had found and how to get Trixie safely with her. 

“So, what did you find out?” 

The older nurse looked at her attentively. She looked determined. ‘Good’, she thought. She needed her sane and ready, they will have time later to talk about what could have been done or said. First, they had to get Trixie out. 

“I made several inquiries with his family and people who know him. He has a good reputation so nobody wanted to tell me anything interesting at first. But then, I found out, with the help of Sergeant Noakes, that a few months ago, he was drunk and almost beat up to death a man with which he had a different. He escaped prison because of his good work in the community and especially, thanks to his good relationship with the police officer in charge of his case.” 

Barbara looked horrified. 

“He also used to be very violent with his ex-wife. I spoke to her. Once she even broke her arm. She divorced him but it was a difficult process and again, he avoided persecution.”

“Oh my goodness, this man is a monster!”

“That he is. There is no doubt. But now, we have leverage. He tried to silence his ex-wife and the man he assaulted. However, the police officer he was friend with has retired and he doesn’t know that we know. For now, we hold the power and we need to use it against him”.   
“Like blackmail?”  
“Like blackmail,” Phyllis affirmed. 

Barbara seemed to be thinking about it for a few moments. It wasn’t right. But what Dr Emerson was doing to Trixie was not right. They had to stop him. And if that was the cost to pay, she will do it a thousand times for Trixie. 

“I’m in.” She said firmly.   
Phyllis nodded. “Then let’s get our girl back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still here, thank you for reading and keeping up with this craziness!! It really touches me that you're reading and liking this fanfic <3 <3 
> 
> Next chapter: Trixie and Barbara reunite finally!! 
> 
> Much love!!


	12. Phyllis Saves The Day (Again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the title says. Phyllis being a superhero and saving everybody.   
> Trixie and Barbara's reunion (finally!)

After a few days, Phyllis and Barbara had finalised their plan to help Trixie. They would visit the blonde nurse the next Sunday (not to be too suspicious) in the town nearby where she was staying with Dr Emerson. They would talk to her first to inform her of what they are going to do, even though Barbara knew it wasn’t going to be easy. But they had to do it. And she couldn’t wait to see her, to hold her, to kiss her. After that, they would need to get him alone and expose him with all of the dirt they’ve got on him. If everything goes well, they should have Trixie back with them at the end of the day and Dr Emerson should never be a problem again. 

Oh, Gosh, Barbara really hoped it’ll work. She didn’t know what they could do otherwise. And needed to have Trixie back into her arms. 

\---

Trixie was exhausted. She had worked the entire day yesterday until very late (in all truth, she did it to avoid Emerson as long as possible and going straight to her room). But still, she still wasn’t used to sleep in a foreign bed, and she hadn’t found sleep for a long time. Her mind had been filled with Barbara. Her face, her body, her laugh, her kisses. She couldn’t escape her during the night. And every morning, she would wake up with her figure stuck in her head. And then, she would remember that Barbara probably hated her for what she did. 

Trixie hated herself, even more, every day. Every day that passed was a torture. Being away from her, not being able to tell the truth. It was excruciating. She didn’t know how long she was going to be able to put it off. And the medical trip was almost over. She would have to go back to Nonnatus House. 

What was going to happen then? What will Emerson say or do in order to keep her? This though alone frightened to her core. But for now, she couldn’t do anything, except play the part that was expected of her. 

Trixie could already feel a headache arising. Thankfully, she was at a medical conference, so she could easily excuse herself and stay in her room for the remaining of the night. Nobody would find it suspicious and Emerson wouldn’t be able to do anything. 

So, she got upstairs and entered her bedroom, feeling the security and the sanctuary it provided her. 

However, when she scanned the dark room, she saw two figures sitting nervously on her bed, visibly waiting for her. At their sights, Trixie almost jumped in fear. The two figures quickly stood up and Trixie recognised easily who they were. How could she not?

As Trixie stared at them in shock and horror, Phyllis thought it would be best to start the conversation. 

“Trixie,” she began, “I know it must be a surprise to see us here, but we need to talk.” 

Trixie was still paralysed, her eyes glued to Barbara. Barbara was shifting uncomfortably on her feet. She knew seeing Trixie after everything that has happened would be hard but she thought that at least, she would be happy to see her. Now, taking in Trixie’s face, she wasn’t sure anymore.

Finally, Trixie seemed to get back to her senses and looked at Phyllis.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice was tinted with worry and fear. “Did anyone see you going up here? You shouldn’t have come, this is madness!” 

“Trixie calmed down,” Phyllis said, “everything’s alright. We made sure nobody saw us. But we needed to see you.” 

Trixie still looked confused and frightened. 

“We may have a way to get you out of here.” 

The blonde nurse raised her eyebrows in surprise. She still couldn’t believe Phyllis AND Barbara were here. They have found her and they were ready to help her. The last time Trixie had seen Barbara; she had broken up with her without telling her why. And yet, here she was, apparently fully aware of the situation and determined to rescue her. 

Trixie wanted to talk to her, to ask her to forgive her, to hug her. But not right now. They probably didn’t have much time. 

So Trixie put asides her questions and decided to go along with it. “What did you found out?”

\---

After the two nurses explained to Trixie what they knew, she didn’t need more convincing to agree to their plan. She already knew that he was a disgusting man but she hadn’t imagined that he could be such a monster. 

And she had spent a month with him! She was horrified. 

They had agreed to wait for him in his room and confront him there when he’d get back. They wouldn’t let him go until he would agree to leave Trixie and Barbara alone. Trixie was determined not to let that opportunity slip away. 

So, when he entered the bedroom and turned on the lights to find three women staring at him, Trixie was ready to physically fight him. Her resolution was unwavering. 

“What the hell is going on in here?” Emerson asked, looking at Trixie. His expression reflected clearly his shock. 

“Good evening, Dr Emerson,” Phyllis started, coldly, “my name is Phyllis Crane. I work with Trixie. And I think you already know Barbara.” 

Emerson looked at them in bewilderment, not understanding a thing. 

“We’re here because we need to have a conversation about the arrangement you have made with Trixie.” 

At that, Emerson laughed. “The arrangement? I know their secret and I made it quite clear that if I ever saw Trixie with her again, I will reveal everything.” His face broke into a smirk. 

He meant to be intimidating. But Phyllis wasn’t taking any of it. 

“Well, you see, Dr Emerson, you’re not the only one with leverage anymore. “

Emerson didn’t lose his smile but he tensed a little bit. 

Phyllis continued. “Yes, we do. We know about Alexander McKay who you almost beat up to death. We know about the charges your wife pressed against you. We know about that police chief who avoided you sentences. And we also know that he doesn’t work anymore but, contrary to you now, we have a sergeant on our side.  
So, I don’t know what you have except your reputation. But even that, with the help of your ex-wife and Mr McKay, I’m pretty sure you won’t have anything left of it.”

Emerson was now white as a sheet and all of his previous satisfaction was gone from his face. He looked horrified. 

“So, I propose you a new deal. You leave Trixie and her friend Barbara here alone. You never try to contact them. You never approach her again. And we let you go free. Otherwise, we’ll make your past as an abuser public.”

She looked at him straight in the eyes. “Is that clear?” 

Emerson swallowed. Besides Phyllis, Trixie and Barbara stood still, a look of determination in their eyes. He had no exit for this one, no trick up his sleeve. He had no choice. He needed to save his skin. He closed his eyes in anger but he nodded, agreeing to this deal. 

“Good.” 

Wit that, Phyllis went out of the door. She was followed by Barbara and Trixie, who stopped briefly to look at him with disgust. 

They closed the door behind them, leaving him alone. Leaving him to the past. 

They had made it. They had succeeded. She couldn't believe it. Trixie was free of him. She could go back to London, to her life, to Barbara. 

She almost burst into tears at the thought of it. 

\---

They didn’t wait for the day after to get back to London. At soon as they got away with Emerson, Trixie packed her bags and they all caught a train to the East End. 

Now, they were all three gathered in a close compartment, travelling in an uncomfortable silence. Phyllis had explained to Trixie how she found out all her information on Emerson and why she couldn’t leave Barbara in the dark. However now, the tension between Barbara and Trixie was palpable. Phyllis knew they had to talk about it, clear the air between them. So she stood up and pretended to go get something to drink. 

The two lovers were now alone, facing each other, neither of them knowing what to say or how to begin. 

Trixie decided to start. She was the one responsible for all of that mess after all. But she barely had time to say a word that Barbara interrupted her. 

“No Trixie,” she said firmly, “it’s my time to talk.” 

Trixie nodded. She had every right to be angry with her. 

“I don’t understand why you didn’t talk to me. Why you didn’t you ask me to help you. We could have avoided all of this! You wouldn’t have had to go with that monster! We could have done something! You didn’t have to do it on your own!” 

Barbara’s anger was tangible. She was mad. She was hurt. Everything Trixie had wanted to protect her from. But the brunette eyes were full of tears. 

“I don’t understand why you did come to you. We were in a relationship. We said everything to each other; we shared secrets. I thought you trusted me.”

At that, her voice broke. She was trembling slightly, on the verge of crying. 

Trixie reached out to take her hands in hers. She squeezed them. “I do trust you, believe me. I trust you with my life.”

“Then, why didn’t you say anything?” 

She couldn’t hold back her tears anymore. 

“I wanted to protect you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I knew that you would try to defend me, to help me. And I was so scared that he would go after you. I couldn’t bear the thought of your life and your reputation being destroyed because of him, because of him.” 

“My life doesn’t mean anything without you, Trixie,” Barbara whispered. 

A few tears fell from Trixie’s eyes. “You are my life, Barbara. This month without you was the hardest thing in my life.”

Trixie could feel the warmth of Barbara’s hands on her own. “I’m so sorry, I should have told you. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I was wrong. I’m so sorry.” 

The blonde began to cry. Barbara moved to sit next to her and wrapped her arms around her. “I know. I’m sorry too.” 

Trixie gripped Barbara with all her being. She would never let her go. Never again. 

“Don’t you ever dare leave me again,” Barbara said, a hint of a smile in her voice. 

Trixie grabbed her head with both of her hands, bringing her to her. Then she kissed like nothing else mattered in the world. 

“Never. I promise you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> This fanfic is reaching the end and the next chapter is the epilogue (i'm really sorry for all the wait)!  
> To make it up to you, the ending is going to be extra fluffly and I'll try to include everybody :)
> 
> Thanks again, all my love <3


	13. I'm Yours, Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara and Trixie are finally reunited and they make a promise to each other!  
> Love awaits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is the last chapter! I hope you've enjoyed it!!   
> I'm sorry if this took longer than expected but to make it up to you, this chapter is extremely fluffy and sweet!

Early in the morning, they finally reached London and were able to catch a taxi that took them home. After the night they had, they all look forward to a big sleep. Since they supposed to be away, they could spend the day resting before going back to work the next day. Barbara and Trixie almost fell asleep on the ride back to Nonnatus House, Trixie’s head falling on Barbara’s shoulder and Barbara resting her head against hers. Phyllis looked at them, so peaceful, and smiled. She succeeded at protecting and reuniting her girls, for now at least, and that was enough for her.

When they entered Nonnatus House, everyone was already up and gathered in the kitchen, eating their breakfast. So naturally, their entrance wasn’t missed by its inhabitants. One look at them and all the nurses were on their feet, wrapping their girls in tight hugs. Of course, they weren’t aware of Trixie’s situation, and thus, of what Barbara and Phyllis had been doing. But having them all back together was all that mattered. They had brought back Trixie to them after a month apart. They were only grateful. 

Patsy glanced carefully at Trixie. She had suspected something unusual since the beginning. She knew something had been wrong when Trixie went away, breaking up with Barbara, after everything that they endured to be together. But when she saw her smile and her barely contained happiness, she held back. They had time to talk about what happened. Trixie was holding Barbara’s hand in her own, and she looked like she was never going to let go of her. Patsy and Delia had noticed how miserable the brunette was after Trixie’s departure, and now, seeing them together again, she could only feel happy that they had found their way back to each other. 

Their relationship had been messier than hers with Delia and they had fought so hard to just admit that they love each other, now they deserved some peace. And by looking at them, she knew that they were meant to be together. 

It was as simple as this. Some people are made for each other. 

She likes to think that it is the same for her and Delia. Patsy looked at her girlfriend, standing next to her. Delia smiled at her. They intertwined their hands together. Maybe they would have a happy ending after all. 

\---

Trixie and Barbara were curled in Trixie’s bed, wrapped around each other, not letting go. After the craziness of last night and the morning, they finally had some time for themselves. Phyllis had arranged with Valerie to leave them alone for the day. They needed peace and quiet. They needed each other. So, that night, Valerie would sleep in Phyllis’ room, giving them the space and time they needed. 

The two girls were fully awake but neither of them wanted to break the peaceful and comfortable silence that reigned in the room. They were cuddling as close as possible on Trixie’s bed, afraid that if one of them would let go, the other would disappear. They’ve already been through this once; they didn’t want to repeat the experience.

Right now, it was more to reassure themselves than anything. But still, they needed this sign of presence of their other half. They didn’t think they could handle another separation. It would kill them both. It was either together or nothing. And it scared them terribly. But also made them feel strong. Together, they could achieve anything. Because they had each other. So, they were never going to let go. 

They were laying on the bed, facing each other, arms wrapped around the other, noses brushing slightly. 

Trixie looked into Barbara’s eyes. They were peaceful, at last. She could see tenderness and love in them. Something that she hadn’t been able to see in her eyes for a long time, and she was so grateful for it. She knew that her own reflected the same thing. 

She loved her so much. 

She would give anything for her. 

Barbara returned her passionate gaze. She smiled.

“What is it?” She asked her quietly. 

Trixie caressed her face with her hands, pushing back some loose strands of hair. 

“Marry me.”

Barbara looked at her, astounded, her eyes wide. But Trixie’s eyes only reflected passion and love. For her. And only her. Her face softened. 

“You know we can’t do that.”

Trixie sighed but didn’t stop looking at her with such intensity. 

“I know.” She whispered. “But I want to make a vow, a promise to you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to see you smile, laugh, cry, for the rest of my life. I want to grow old by your side. I don’t want to be away from you ever again. I want you. All of you. And I know the law cannot bound us legally, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to make a vow to you.”

She brushed her fingers against Barbara’s cheek. The brunette could feel tears forming in her eyes. 

“So, I’m asking you: Barbara Gilbert, will you marry me?” 

Barbara closed her eyes a few seconds, letting the tears spill out. Then she caught Trixie’s hand into her own and she laughed. 

“Yes. Of course, I’ll marry you. I love you more than anything.” 

Trixie grabbed her face and kissed her with every ounce of passion she possessed. 

Their tears melted away into their laughter and kisses. 

\---

They decided to make a small ceremony, inviting only the few people who knew and supported them. 

Patsy and Delia were there, of course. They were standing next to each other, smiling brightly at the couple who were about to be bound to each other forever. There, with their friends, they could act freely, and so, they didn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around each other or kiss when they wanted to. They were so happy for Trixie and Barbara, and maybe, it would be their turn one day. 

Valerie was here too. She was so grateful to be able to be a part of this, to witness this amazing and unwavering love. Whatever society told them, when she saw her two friends like this, she knew that it wasn’t wrong. It couldn’t be. They loved each other. And for Valerie, that was all that mattered. 

The Turners, surprisingly, were also there. Patrick and Shelagh had accidentally walked into Trixie and Barbara as they were talking with Phyllis about their upcoming union. They had suspected some things for quite a while, and the truth came out easily. Fortunately, they didn’t judge the nature of their relationship but only congratulated them. They were both very happy for their friends and they knew this kind of love existed, even if people didn’t want to recognise it. And seeing them today, dressed in their finest clothes, ready to make a vow to each other, they were absolutely certain that it was right. 

Phyllis was the last member of their close circle but she was the most important one. Phyllis had always been their strong anchor. She went from being Barbara’s confidant to helping them reunite. She had protected them and had always made sure they were safe. Without her, they probably wouldn’t be still together. She had made possible for them to stay together and to make their relationship bloomed. They owed everything to Phyllis.

So, it was only natural that she would be the one to marry them. 

The ceremony was simple and beautiful. They had a small buffet afterwards, a time that Trixie and Barbara spend in each other’s arms. They had now matching rings on their fingers. To the law, this marriage wasn’t valid. But for them, it meant everything. They were now bound to each other. Till death do them part. And nothing was more important than that. 

They danced together. It reminded them of the first time they almost kissed. That night at the dance changed everything. And now, they were here, dancing again but this time, nothing was going to break them apart. 

They would be together forever. 

Trixie pressed her body against Barbara’s as she realised that. She bowed her head until their foreheads were touching. Barbara was smiling softly at her. 

She leaned and murmured against her ear: “I’m yours, forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for every person who commented and liked it! Thank you for bearing with him but especially, thank you for reading and enjoying it!  
> I had so much fun writing it and I hope you also had fun reading it!  
> Love <3


End file.
